My heart began to beat fast, but not in a good way. He sounded different. Like a man in need of possession, dominance, and control. Not like the man from the bar I’d met a week ago.
Jonah seemed to have realized his mistake too, because he stilled, his lips pausing on the dip between my breasts, and then lifted his head.
Our gazes met, and something in my expression made him pause. Without another word, he straightened up and fixed my blouse.
When he spoke his voice was quieter.
“I can’t do this, Lexi,” he whispered in the darkness.
“What’s going on?” I asked, my own heart racing as I considered the distance he was putting between us.
“I can’t have sex with you tonight. I wouldn’t be good to you. Not … going by how feral I’m feeling right now. And I can’t tolerate the idea of hurting you.”
It felt like he was trying to forget something, or perhaps outrun something he really couldn’t escape.
“So, what now?” I asked, trying to tamp down my feelings. I was both relieved and upset that it had come to this.
“Can you spend the night with me, Lexi?” he asked, leading me to the bed. “With our clothes on? I just need someone to hold me tonight.”
I inhaled sharply, guilt washing over me. “I can’t, Jonah. I need to get back home in a few hours.”
His head dipped, and after a moment, he nodded. “Alright, then I’ll take you home,” he said, taking my hand in his and leading us out the door.
I stared back as the door fell shut behind us. The night felt unfinished in a way that made me ache. I followed Jonah to the elevator. Was this it? Our night had come to an abrupt end?
In the car, the silence stretched between us. Finally, I broke it.
“Jonah,” I said softly. “What are you afraid of?”
This time his answer came without hesitation. “Losing my Dad without ever really knowing him.”
That was what he lived for. His job, his Dad, and perhaps, his single, independent life. I could mirror that with my own wants. I lived for Evie, my job, but did I really want be single and independent forever? And if not, what was I doing with a man like him?
18
LEXI
By Sunday morning, I woke up to sunlight pouring through the blinds and the sound of Evie humming to herself in the next room.
For a moment, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, letting the silence settle around me. Then the memories of Friday night started coming back just like they had every day since.
Dinner with Jonah and going to a hotel room with him. How he’d abruptly walked me out of that room, completely unlike the man I’d met before.
I reached for my phone, pretending I wasn’t checking it for a message that wasn’t there.
Nothing. Not even ahad fun last Friday.
I sighed and sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. The events of dinner kept replaying in my mind, especially Cora’s sudden appearance and Jonah’s reaction to her. That night, I’d glimpsed a version of Jonah I’d never seen before. Underneath his cold, controlling exterior was a man who was vulnerable and hurting.
Evie poked her head in a second later, holding an old Disney’s Elsa toy by one arm and beaming. “Mama, you’re up!”she said, running over to me and flinging her arms around my neck.
I hugged her tight, feeling grateful for her love and affection. I loved Evie, and her love was never conditional. Children didn’t go hot and cold on you like men could.
“Mama, can we make pancakes?”
I smiled, even if my chest felt a little hollow. “Yeah, baby, let’s do it.”
As I got to work in the kitchen, I couldn’t push memories of Jonah from my mind.
