I wished I could help him get more time with his Dad. Jonah did have a birthday coming up soon, so perhaps there was an opportunity there.
“Let Cora try all her shitty games. She won’t succeed. You’re the smartest man I know. Everyone can see the difference you make at Altika. Even snarky new employees who give you nasty feedback can see that,” I said, standing up on my tiptoes to kiss him. “You always win, Jonah. That’s what I love about you.”
I hated that Cora was trying to manipulate him. I could imagine how his life might be, since I had a mom who was mildly similar. But Mom’s sphere of influence over me was not as big as Cora’s. Mom could only use Dylan as a threat and ply me for money.
Cora was actively working to downplay Jonah’s value to his father and his value in their family. Was this related to the company perhaps? With wealth in the billions, I wouldn’t be surprised by any of Cora’s games.
But it made my heart twist with sadness for what Jonah had to contend with.
After a long pause, he said, “But this was why I didn’t have any faith in relationships. It made me question things asa teenager and push away any deep relationship as an adult. That’s why I focus on work. Work never betrayed me in the past.”
His phone rang, and the two of us jumped apart. The phone continued to ring but Jonah made no movement to reach for it. After a moment, it stopped while Jonah kept his eyes on me.
“A work call,” he said, with a sigh. “I take back what I said. Work never betrayed me until I met you. Keeping us a secret has been eating me alive. I’m sick of pretending, of hiding you like some dirty secret just because you work for me. It makes me feel like I’m betraying both of us every damn day.”
He gave me a look that made me think he was seeing me like I was more than just another relationship. Did he feel this too? The sense that there was more between us?
I put my head on his shoulder and stood there for a minute, enveloped in his embrace, glad to know that he was choosing me over his work. Even if it was only temporary. Perhaps that was the real reason why he wasn’t taking things between us further.
“I start my day and end it with thoughts of you. About the things you do that drive me insane. About how I still want to see my Lexi at the end of the day even if she’s tormented my thoughts all day. About the ways I can undress you and take you and am still left longing for more. That’s what you’ve done to me. You’re everything I didn’t know I wanted, except that you’re fifteen years too young.”
My heart sank. I turned to go, but Jonah caught my wrist.
He tilted his head to look at me. “You know that’s been my concern all along,” he said, pulling me closer.
My legs seemed to quiver and weaken. I hated that I couldn’t change it. I hated that our age gap troubled him so much.
“Let’s talk about something else,” I said, my mouth dry.
His hungry gaze was on me as he lifted my chin up to meet his eyes.
“Dylan’s been horrible to you. But seeing him again recently brought him to life in ways I hadn’t expected. I’m turning forty next year. He’s twenty-four, like you. Young, ready for adventure, danger, and life. Things I couldn’t give you.”
I stared at him, feeling miserable. We were so close to having something good, something I probably couldn’t find again in my life, and he wanted to throw it away because of something as ridiculous as our difference in age.
“Haven’t you ever dated someone older when you were my age?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said, his eyes deathly calm. “But I was clear it was just a fling for me. Is this just a fling for you, Lexi?”
His body had gone stiff, as though he was an animal ready to pounce.
“No,” I whispered. “This is feelings and sex and messiness. It’s more than just a casual relationship.”
I traced one finger on his shirt. “Besides, you’re not old. You’re older, sure, but your maturity is sexy. You want to see me home safe at night, make sure I’m taken care of when I’m sick, and send a masseuse over to take care of my aching back. It’s the kind of concern I never had around me growing up.”
His lips tipped up at that. “No one your age has a masseuse on speed dial, I guess.”
“See, you have things to offer that I never knew I wanted,” I said, pausing and running my hands through the flecks of silver in his hair. I loved it all.
He held me tight, and I wrapped my arms around his back. I placed my head against his chest, breathing in his scent and just being with him.
“I still can’t believe how smoothly you handled everything tonight,” I said. “Your dad barely spent time with you this evening, and you look like it doesn’t bother you at all.”
When I looked up at him, something like a dark cloud passed over his face, before it was gone. Had I touched a nerve?
I gave him a deep kiss. “Let’s go home. Maybe I have some ways of making you forget why you were miserable.”
52
