I watched Evie’s face fall, her excitement crumbling. A memory came to mind. Jonah had spent forty-five minutes having a tea party with her, his large frame sitting next to her smaller one, sipping air from a plastic cup while Evie served him pretend tea. He’d asked her questions about each stuffed animal guest and never once looked at his phone.
Dylan grabbed the remote and flipped to a basketball game. Evie climbed onto the couch beside him, clutching Olaf.
“Where’d you get that?” Dylan nodded at the stuffed toy without really looking.
“Mom’s friend gave it to me!” Evie’s voice brightened. “He’s so nice, Daddy. He took me to the playground?—”
Dylan’s attention snapped to me. “Mom’s friend?” His tone was casual, but his jaw tightened. “You dating someone, Lex?”
I couldn’t tell him the truth right now. I didn’t want to ruin this evening. “Do you really think I’ve got the time to date, Dylan?”
That sentence mollified him a little. He turned to the TV, his eyes distant and unfocused. Then he swiveled back to face me.
“Is your boss working you too hard? I’ve heard he’s a real taskmaster.” He paused, his jaw tightening. “Do you know he’s going around telling people that you belong to him just because you’re his employee?”
“Did he?” I asked, hoping my face wasn’t turning red.
“Yes. Your boss doesn’t know shit about you, Lexi. It’s time you tell him that. Let him realize that you don’t belong to him, even if you’re his employee.”
“I’ll do that,” I said quietly. I’d let Dylan think he still had a say, if only to get him to be nicer to Evie.
“Daddy, look!” Evie held up the Father’s day card she’d made him, her face beaming. “These are for you. I made them myself.”
“Yeah, that’s cool, sweetie.” He barely glanced at it before setting the card next to him on the couch and turning back to the TV. “Hey, can you keep it down? Game’s on.”
Evie’s mouth closed. She hugged Olaf tighter, her shoulders sinking down.
I felt anger and sadness battle it out in my chest. This was the kind of dad Evie got. One who was twenty minutes late and half-present when he finally showed up. A dad who used her as an excuse to worm his way back into my life. Dylan didn’t ask her what she wanted to do. He didn’t sit down to play with her or make her feel like she mattered more than the TV or his life.
Jonah wasn’t her father. But in the handful of times they’d spent together, he’d shown her more attention than Dylan had in her entire life. And he’d never once acted like spending time with her was a means to an end.
47
LEXI
As Evie and I left home for work the next morning, I found flowers on my doorstep. The card read:For old times’ sake. Dylan.
My jaw clenched. He’d barely looked at his daughter for an hour, but he had time to order flowers.
Dylan had refused to show up more often after I turned him down again when he was leaving. Dylan had thrown a few more barbs my way about me being too high-and-mighty now, and I was just grateful he’d done it out of Evie’s earshot. When he left that night, I was more than irritable.
Dylan didn’t want to be a father. He just didn’t want us to belong to anyone else.
Planning to trash the flowers when Evie wasn’t looking, we made our way to the subway, hand in hand. Evie didn’t mention her dad even once during our ride. Every time she began speaking of something from last evening, her face fell, and she stopped talking. It made my heart break to know that she wanted more from her Dad and that I couldn’t give her that.
This Friday night,like many nights since my illness, Anne had picked up Evie from me and taken her home. Jonah had convinced me to do this even after I’d recovered. I’d let Anne take Evie home at five p.m., and I found that by the time I got home, Evie would have finished her bath and be in a better mood and ready for dinner. It was unusual for me to rely on someone else, especially when it came to Evie, but I was learning to give up some of my need for control and relax.
But letting go of control wasn’t just about Evie. I was starting to realize something else about my relationship with Jonah.
Going by how he’d reacted a few days ago in his office, I held some power over Jonah, if I could talk him down from his dark, intense moods and comfort him. Jonah was so well-connected, too powerful, and usually it felt like I’d been the one bending to his will every time, and that made that little victory feel extra special. It made me feel like I mattered.
Lost in these thoughts, I followed Jonah as he led me through a sprawling penthouse to meet Chloe and Sean. Jonah was dressed in a crisp navy shirt, with cream colored pants. I liked this version of him, sans the suit. I was wearing a short white dress, and ballet flats that were a gift from Jonah.
A housekeeper had led us in, and I stepped into the living room, and then froze.
My breath caught as I tilted my head back, taking in the vaulted ceilings that soared impossibly high above me.God.I lived in an apartment where I could touch the ceiling if I stood on a stool, where the walls always felt like they were pressing in too close. Here, the space opened up like a cathedral, all roomyand airy. A kid could ride their bicycle in circles through here, and still have space left over.
I couldn’t stop staring. Floor-to-ceiling windows lined an entire wall, the furniture was tasteful, without being cluttered.
