1
LEXI
Sometimes, you knew exactly what had started it all.
What was the one thing that set off a chain of events that completely threw a wrench in the works of my not-so-balanced life?
In my case, it was a look.
Just a simple, part-judgmental, part-daring look from a nasty coworker as I wound up my workday.
“Spending Friday night alone at home again?”
When I thought back, maybe it hadn’t been the look. Maybe it had been the toneandthe look.
It was my last day at that job, so I shouldn’t have let that comment rattle me. But I’d made the glaring mistake of confiding in my roommate about the snarky comment.
Unfortunately for me, my roommate, Sasha, agreed with said coworker. In a kinder, less judgmental way, of course.
“I’ll take care of Evie tonight,” she had said, referring to my four-and-a-half-year-old daughter. “All you need to do is dress to kill while I decide which bar you’ll hit. We agree that I’ve more experience in that department.”
Sasha definitely did. Just like I could rattle off the best indoor play areas for kids in a five-mile radius, Sasha knew bars.
I still blamed that coworker’s look for where I was tonight though.
Because now, three hours later, I was sitting alone in one of New York’s swankier bars, Aurelius, since, in Sasha’s words, if you were going wild, you might as well go full out.
She’d even gotten a cab for me and given very specific instructions for where he had to take me.
I wore my most expensive bracelet, worth thirty-five dollars, which wasn’t really helping me fit in, if you considered that the woman five stools down from me was wearing a realfur coat.
Behind me, there was a shimmering infinity pool, opening up to New York’s beautiful skyline. Above, crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling, casting a warm, golden glow on the polished mahogany bar. So highly polished that I could see my reflection on it, and I was very tempted to fix my lipstick right here, but I suspected that the woman in the fur coat five seats away from me would be scandalized.
I caught sight of a man walking down the bar, handsome and tall, before he disappeared from my view.
I craned my neck for one last look, but to my disappointment, I didn’t see where he had gone.
What had I expected? Even if I’d caught his attention, what would I say to someone who frequented places like this?
I shook my head and looked around.
Plush, deep purple velvet stools were placed along the counter, and the air was filled with the clinking of glasses and the occasional hushed laughter.
Maybe that was why I felt like I stood out. I couldn’t laugh like that. How did one do hushed laughter?
If I didn’t know better, I’d say that I needed to practice hushed laughter later that night with Sasha, but I knew better. I wouldn’t be coming back here again.
A grand piano sat in the far corner of the bar, and a pianist effortlessly played a melody that felt like it belonged in a classic romance movie.
I almost snorted. I didn’t have to remind myself that romance was not real.
Dylan, Evie’s dad, had ruined me for love.
He’d been my high school sweetheart, the kind of boy who made flashy, big promises and knew all the right things to say. In the beginning, he made me feel special, like I was the only person in the world who truly mattered to him. And I believed him.
By the time we got into college at Wesleyan, the shift was so slow, so insidious, that I barely noticed it happening. He alienated me from my friends, always finding reasons why they weren’treallymy friends at all. And when I accidentally got pregnant, he reminded me how expensive school was, and how exhausting it would be with a baby.
“Wouldn’t it be easier,” he’d asked, “to just focus on being a mom? Onus?”
