Sonny
Iwas washing up, elbow-deep in soapy suds, when Declan appeared in the kitchen doorway and asked, “What are you doing?”
I gave him the sassiest look I could. “I’m just waiting for this bus.”
He moved across to me, and stood behind me, sliding his arms around my waist.
“Don’t squeeze too hard, I’ll throw up. I might have had one too many helpings of your mum’s Christmas pudding.”
That stuff had been seriously alcoholic, as usual, and I could feel that I was less sober than I should be. I tried to take a deep breath, inhaling sobriety, because I was not a good drunk. As I had been reminded half-way through dinner when it suddenly dawned on me what had happened.
Declan had told his mum that he and Erik were together.
Erik had arranged for Declan to get a job round here, and he’d asked Declan to move in with him.
I was invited back for Easter.
“Sonny, you know we have a dishwasher, right? You don’t need to wash up.”
“I’m wet now anyway.”
Actually, I knew about the dishwasher. I’d already put a load in and turned it on, but there was too much for one load and I’d thought I’d make a start on the left-over crockery.
Really, I’d been hiding. Because I was not a good drunk.
Had I already thought that?
Normally, I tended to look on the bright side. This morning, I’d felt on top of the world, as though nothing could make me feel less then brilliantly joyful all day.
Only now I was slightly less sober and reality had come back a bit harder than I’d anticipated and-and-and I’d needed to hide for a while so I didn’t cry all over Declan.
He stroked a thumb over my belly, a soft, tender little movement that made me want to cry all over again.
“What is it, Sonny?”
I took a deep breath, blinking to clear my eyes.
“I probably shouldn’t have drunk so much. I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
Declan pulled away from me and I thought that was it, but he picked up the tea towel and held it out to me.
“Dry your hands. Leave the rest of it.”
I shook the suds from my hands and took the towel, drying my hands.
“Now,” he said. “Tell me what’s overwhelming you.”
I looked at the towel and my fingers flipped the end one way and then the other.
“I was excited for today and the rest of our lives but I forgot that we didn’t live in a fairytale, which by the way is annoying.”
“What’s not a fairytale about it?”
I was going to tell him everything, but at the very last second, I chickened out, just like I’d chickened out all those times before when I’d been on the brink of telling him I loved him.
“I’m going to have to go back to work, which sucks.”
“Yeah.”
