Really, I should have said it was okay. That would have been polite and it would mean we didn’t have to talk about it. But, after this, I’d learned that we needed to talk a lot more than we did. So I told him the truth.
“I don’t know how I feel about that yet.”
He nodded, his eyes closing, and he turned his head away from me. I pulled myself higher up his body so I could lean over him and still see his face.
“Declan?” I waited until he reluctantly opened his eyes again. “I love you. I want to work this out.”
“I do, too.”
“Good. And you need to tell Erik, too.”
“That we’re going to work this out?”
“Yes, I suppose, you can tell him that. He’ll probably be glad to know. But I meant tell him you love him.”
“I—”
I stroked a finger down his cheek, touching him as though I were afraid he’d vanish. I’d been so afraid of that once, for long, long days, that he’d slip away from me even though he was in a hospital bed right in front of me. I hadn’t got over my sense of wonder that he was here and alive and healthy.
“You don’t want to lose him because you were too afraid to tell him the truth.”
Declan swallowed. “What if he doesn’t feel the same?”
Apart from my certainty that Erikdidfeel the same, because I’d seen the way he looked at my man, I thought that he should probably tell him anyway. I’d told Declan anyway, even though I’d been too afraid to do it for years. And, if Declan hadn’t been so afraid to reply, we could have been together for months.
And, to be fair, if I’d had the courage to do it earlier than that, maybe Declan wouldn’t have been able to close his eyes and pretend to be asleep.
I tried to give Declan a sassy look of disbelief, but it was still early and I wasn’t sure whether I managed it.
“Is that his come all over your boxers?”
Declan looked down his body and saw the mess of white come Erik had left smeared over his underwear. His face reddened, which was adorable.
I heard a creek by the door and looked over to see Erik standing in the doorway. I don’t know how long he’d been there. I hoped he hadn’t heard me talking to Declan, because Declan deserved to be able to tell Erik himself how he felt.
I rolled off Declan’s warm body and out of bed.
“I’m going to go for a shower. I take it showers are okay now?”
Erik gave me a nod. “Don’t lock the door, though.”
I rolled my eyes as though I were annoyed but it was to conceal the weird feelings in my stomach. The way Erik took care of me was unusual, and I was afraid I’d end up liking it too much.
He walked over to his chest of drawers and pulled out some clean clothes, then held them out to me in a neat pile.
“Here. You’ll need these. Your jeans aren’t dry yet.”
“Oh, yeah, um, thanks. I might have ruined your clothes.”
Looking down at myself for the first time, I saw I’d rolled in Declan’s come when I’d rolled on top of him so that was all over my borrowed t-shirt, and I’d truly made a mess of his joggers.
Erik kept his eyes on my face, for which I was grateful.
“Just throw those in the washing machine with mine. I’ll put it on after breakfast.”
I left quickly, partly because as much as I wanted Declan to be happy and for us to find a way to make this work so that he could be with both of us, I didn’t think I was actually ready to hear Declan tell another man that he loved him. And partly because I was very sticky and wanted to get in that shower.
Chapter 21
