Toxic:Are you sure?
Samantha:Three tests say yes.
Toxic:I meant, are you sure that it’s mine?
Samantha:Positive. You were knocking into cobwebs, it’d been so long.
Jesus Christ, I’m about to become a father with a woman I don’t even know that faked a plumbing issue to get me to nail her.
The chick that liked Star Wars was pregnant too, which is odd. I wonder if this is some sort of sign.
Fear and giddiness needle me, which is confusing as hell. Am I going to break out in hysterical laughter or throw up? I don’t know. It’s a coin flip.
Toxic:So…what should we do?
Samantha:I’m keeping the baby, but I figured you had a right to know.
Toxic:I can send cash and take the baby on the weekends, but it’ll be tough on the road.
Samantha:Oh, I don’t need your money. Or anything, for that matter. I just thought that it was important that the baby knows who their father is, and that you get the chance to know them.
What single mom doesn’t need cash?
Unless she’s not single.
Toxic:Are you dating someone? Or married.
Samantha:No. Any more questions?
How is it possible that she’s about to become a single mom and not need money or help?
Thinking back to the night we spent together, I remember her expensive necklace and clothes. She must be loaded.
Which begs the question, why would someone so rich and beautiful screw a Hunk in a venue bathroom? Was she trying to get pregnant? Surely she could have afforded in-vitro.
A cold fury washes over me.
Isn’t it just like the rich to use us as pawns, thinking they can take whatever they want and get away with it?
Toxic:Why the hell did you pick me when you could have gone to a fancy sperm bank? I deserved just as much a say in the conception as you had.
Samantha:Excuse me? Are you insinuating I stole your sperm?
Toxic:It was an obvious trap, now that I think of it. Plumbing issues? Jeez, I’m a ripe fool.
Samantha:Wow—srsly? You think I intended for this to happen?
Toxic:I had…
Samantha:Look, it was a bad night, and you were convenient. And I didn’t pretend to have plumbing issues. I was taking too long in the bathroom and you’d assumed I’d clogged the pipes.
That makes sense. I suppose.
My mind returns to the Star Wars fan, and how she’s pregnant too. Maybe it was a sign. The good lord baby Jesus preparing me for what’s to come.
My heart races in my chest, but in a good way. Even though the baby wasn’t planned, now that I understand I wasn’t manipulated, I can’t help but be excited.
Samantha:So, did I totally ruin your night?
