Iwaited until Seb was asleep just like I always did, holding my breath and trying to blend with my shadow, but Cooper always knew.
I think he actually waited for me. Although he would never admit it out loud. He couldn’t possibly let me know he liked times like this. Liked when it was the two of us, the lights were off, the quiet hum of the old fridge in the kitchen the only sound. He was slouched on the lounge in the same spot as always, eyes heavy but aware.
Sliding up next to him, I tucked my knees under my chin and leaned into him. This had become our thing. The late-night moments, the unspoken understanding, and the weight of our bodies. Our only contact coming from the angling of my body, the weight of his legs against mine enough to warm my entire life.
“What are you going to do now you’re finishing school?” I asked, watching him from the corner of my eye. He blinked, like no one had asked him this, like something coming after school never crossed his mind, so after a pregnant pause, I asked something bolder.
“Do you want to get married? Have kids?”
His laugh came too quickly. Too forced. “Nah,” he said, waving his handdismissively. “Love’s not for me, Evy. I’ll stay a bachelor and live the high life.”
I nodded as if I believed him. He always tried to sound untouchable when he was scared, and I was starting to know him better. Like how he didn’t look at me directly anymore. Not for too long anyway. And I wondered if it was because I’d changed. My clothes fit differently, and I intentionally wore shorter pyjama shorts and chose tighter shirts when he was here. And on those days as expected, I caught him looking more. Only it was bittersweet because it also hurt how quickly he looked away.
But I still came downstairs. Because when it was just us, he let me see parts of him no one else got to, and that was as much as I was ever going to get from this beautifully broken boy.
After much umming and ahhing, a fifteen-minute FaceTime argument with Xavier, and some unsolicited advice from Mum, I finally decided to wear my hair out. Styling it into soft curls, I let them fall loose over my shoulders. The black dress wasn’t my original choice, but shopping with Marlee and Arna meant being bullied into whatever they thought looked good - and honestly, they were right.
I smoothed my hands down the length of the satin dress, admiring how it hugged my hips and made me look a little taller. The thick straps framed my collarbones perfectly and I’d paired it with silver hoops and simple heels - though you could barely see them beneath the hem that swept just above the ground.
Wearing the engagement ring tonight felt almost fraudulent knowing it could be the last time. The charity ball was the final performance - the last box to tick - and then this was done.
The books at Golden Spades were sorted. I’d found the problem areas, uncovered the leaks and I was going to explain everything after the gala. Tonight, with Cooper keeping his parents at bay using our fabricated engagement one last time, we’dcompleted what we came here to do. I should have been happy. Overcome with joy that I could now begin the rest of my life, but I couldn’t shake the disappointment.
I’d known this was temporary - had known it for four months. But somewhere along the way, I dared to dream what a life like this would be like. A life with him.
If I took anything away from this, it was the certainty that I wanted love. I wanted a partner. A family. I wanted a love that was loud and raw and honest. A love that imprints itself on your mind, body and soul - no matter the time or distance.
And I was ready for it all.
With a final photo in the full-length mirror, I sent it to the girls and Xavier. Grinning when my phone pinged a few times.
WINTER
Wow! Wow! Wow!
ARNA
Oh, shit. Not only am I reconsidering my outfit, but my entire life. You are perfection.
FELICITY
Stunning! The hair out was a perfect choice. Send me all the photos tonight, ladies, sorry I can’t be there.
WINTER
I’m not sorry because it sounds like a lot of small talk, but I want photos too.
MARLEE
I actually just squealed.
So, then I had to show Sebastian why.
And hand on my heart, I think I saw a tear.
You are a goddess. I can’t wait to see Cooper try not to maul you all night.
I sent a love reaction to each of their messages, a little embarrassed by all the praise, but smiling, nonetheless. I was just replying to Xavi’s full screen reply of water emojis, when that familiar husky voice ripped me from my phone, his eyes wide with alarm.
