She wasn’t mine and never would be and being alone with her was making it harder to remember that.
CHAPTER 24
Eva
Ididn’t get a chance to be alone with Cooper again for the rest of the day, which somehow felt intentional, making me wonder if I’d again overstepped or misread the situation. I wished he’d write a formula for where we stood and how he felt because maybe then I would understand the constant transience. The hot and cold mood-swinging he currently played like it was a sport was frustrating. It wasn’t like I needed a team meeting but some indication of where he was at would have been nice.
Yet another reminder as to why I enjoyed Maths more than English.
There was no room for ambiguity or uncertainty. It was ratiocination at its best - one plus one equaled two - and you couldn’t argue. If only life came with proofs and clean conclusions because we’d almost kissed,again. The disappointment of being interrupted was not even surprising at this point and when he left, the tension was thick. But no matter how many times I hovered or passed by an area he was working, he’d maintained a safe distance, suddenly needed elsewhere. So, feeling deflated, I did my own thing.
I’d wandered the aisles, reading and counting the numbers on everything I could. I talked to any workers I passed and asked thequestions I’d planned to shower Coop with before we’d forgotten what it was we were actually doing out on the floor. Thankfully everyone was more than happy to tell me what they knew so I was distracted and by the end of the day, it was apparent that the only thing Golden Spades employees liked more than their job was their boss. They spoke about feeling valued and connected. Many voluntarily offered they didn’t have a strong support network of their own outside of the distillery and the found family felt humbling.
It was also unceremoniously Cooper - giving others what he wasn’t afforded.
Eventually, feeling strangely nostalgic and emotionally chaotic, I’d meandered back to the office and spent another hour working through some of the easier filing and invoicing so that by the time I finished for the day, I was ready to vegetate on the lounge with a cup of tea and fall asleep in less than twenty-five seconds.
I waspeopledout and emotionally spent.
When he did finally approach, he sounded almost apologetic that he still had a few hours of work ahead of him and wouldn’t be home anytime soon. While disappointed, I had no such plans to stay and was getting out of the car at home when my phone pinged with a last minute invitation to dinner tonight from Mum. My resulting groan was unfairly loud. I’d known it was coming and it wasn’t her fault I turned into chatty Cathy today, sapping most of my monthly social quota. But in a strange turn of events, a second text followed, this time from Coop, who said he’d just spoken with Seb and would pick me up on the way through.
How interesting, I thought, my heart suddenly racing a little quicker at what would be a forty-five minute car ride each way. Alone. Just the two of us. No interruptions.
Hitting the dial button on Xavier’s contact, I raced into the house to get ready while I unleashed a monologue update of the last two days. The second he settled in with some of his quickwitted hilarity and perspective inducing commentary I felt lighter.
And consequently, I was remarkably calm when I heard Cooper’s bike roll down the drive only an hour later. His easy grin as he rounded the corner to my room asking if I was ready told me apparently I was getting easygoing Coop tonight and again the emotional whiplash was causing more injury to my body.
“Sure am.” I smiled, deciding it was best to keep things light while maintaining some semblance of caution. Protect the heart, keep tonight easy. “Mum is so excited to see you. You’re going to be inundated with questions.”
“No different to having you here,” he quipped.
Okay, this I could do.
“Just so I’m clear,” I said, settling as a passenger princess, “are you planning on talking to me during this car trip, or am I going to be subjected to more of your unexpected silence?”
His lips twitched. “I thought you enjoyed silence.” His gaze darted to my headphones which were sitting in my lap.
“I do and there is a good chance I will put these on for at least half the trip, butyoursilence is different. And it’s always when I know you’re up in your head.” Somehow, it felt easier to speak the truth in the car, with the sun trailing down the horizon and no eye contact to break the moment.
“I forget how observant you are,” he mumbled.
I didn’t push and he didn’t offer more, the silence comforting this time because it didn’t feel weighted - an acceptance of shared understanding. Almost.
“How are you finding work?” He asked abruptly and I turned to face him.
“I actually really love it,” I answered honestly. “But the boss is a bit of a dick.” His easy grin caught me off guard and I laughed as a warmth settled behind my ribs.
“I heard the new accountant asks a lot of questions, maybe he just has a headache.” His laugh filled the car at my unimpressed expression and I couldn’t help how much I loved the sound.
“I’m guessing your exes either didn’t mind vague answers, or didn’t actually want to know what was going on in that head of yours.” I said.
“Maybe we should focus on your exes.” He looked at me quickly, although whatever was behind those eyes, I couldn’t decipher. “Did they survive this level of questioning, or am I just the lucky one?”
“Nope. They’re hidden in Marlee’s fake pilates room.” I quipped, giggling at the way his eyes widened briefly. “Although, I didn’t actually like them very much and I’m not sure they really liked me either.” “What do you mean?” He asked.
“Well, both of my exes weren’t really suited to me. I met them both through studying and I guess, on both occasions, I figured if we were studying the same thing we would have similar interests. Other than numbers though, there wasn’t much else.”
“I never met either of them, did I? Were you together long?”
