He kept watching me, silent, his eyes burning through me and I shrugged with a soft smile. “That’s me done. I need you to say something now, please.”
His knuckles still stained with blood rested on the lounge beside him, his body having deflated in front of me as I spoke. As I professed by love.
“Five, Two, Two, Two, Five,” he said, his head coming up in a slow, measured movement. “52225 Reserve. Transcendence.” His gaze was sharp and searching. “That was one of my first labels, Evy. And the numbers were there the entire time, hidden in plain sight. Even in your absence, my love for you was always there.”
I couldn’t move. My thoughts clicked into motion, as the truth behind those five digits crystallised.
“Five - twenty-two, twenty-five,” I whispered, intentionally separating each until I was left with the meaning. “Evy?”
He nodded, barely smiling, just enough to let me know I was right. And I couldn’t believe it. All this time, he’d been thinking of me too. While I’d been sending him annual birthday treats, he’d been declaring his love through a whiskey which sat on shelves everywhere. Loving me too.
“I used to force myself to wait up for you. To long for the end of the night when your brother fell asleep and you’d sneak downstairs,” he huffed a small laugh, and I took a step towards him. Needing to be closer.
“It’s funny, because, at the time, I craved your friendship. I craved how I could be honest with you without recourse. Without judgement or mockery. And you’d ask questions no one else would ever dare. And I loved you then,” he said, as if it were the easiest admission to make.
“But the love was different. And then on one of the last times I saw you for a while, I started to realise things had changed. And I felt guilty. To Seb because he was my mate and I was breakingbro code, you know? But also, to you because I was meant to beyour protector. Someone you could always count on. Not someone who was thinking of you likethat. But it didn’t matter how guilty I felt, or how much I tried to ignore it, because my love wasn’t just attached to you. It was attached to what you brought out in me.”
I was mesmerised, hanging on every single word, terrified if I interrupted, he would stop saying the things I’d longed to hear him say for more than half of my life.
Without realising, I was standing less than a metre from him and when he held his hand out for me to take, I slipped my hand in his and sat down like we used to do all those years ago.
“It took me a long time to recognise what I felt. Too long. And I’m sorry that I missed it when it mattered. But I see it now. And I’m not scared to tell you.” Shifting, he turned to face me on the lounge, our legs just touching, and the rest of the world faded to nothing.
“I’ve never been fluent in emotion, but somehow, you always made it seem not just acceptable, but right to feel the way I did. You made me feel things other than anger and sadness. When I’m with you, I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to allow myself to succumb to those feelings. Because you give me hope. You always have and you never laughed at my dreams or the things I wanted, and mostly, you never let me hide. You and your questions and those knowing eyes of yours.” I swiped the tears from my face with the hand not still holding his, my head slightly shaking because I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“And that was why I named one of my very first whiskeys52225 Reserve. Transcendence. Because loving you and feeling your love gave me the strength to rise above the noise in my head, Evy.”
He exhaled, averting his gaze as he looked down at his bloodied hands.
“You love me?” I asked, unable to allow another second to go by without asking a question. Askingthequestion.
“I never wanted perfect,” he said, leaning over to press a kisson my jaw, “just real.” His hands moved, until he pulled me onto his lap before nuzzling into my neck. “And since the day you walked into my office, you’ve been the realest thing in my world.” Pressing his forehead to mine, his hands gripped my waist firmly.
“You fought for me,” he whispered, and I brushed my hands through his hair, lifting his head in the process until we were eye to eye.
“Don’t look away,” I begged, needing this connection. Needing him to know I was here.
“I’ve spent years silently begging everyone I’ve ever loved to fight for me. And you arrived with a suitcase full of questions, a calculator as old as you and an unmatched loyalty. A loyalty I didn’t always deserve. You fought for me, Evy. You’re the first person I’ve ever loved who fought for me and it doesn’t matter if the maths doesn’t add up, becausewedo.”
I smiled, the tears silently falling as I poured everything I felt into my gaze.
“You were only kidding when you said it doesn’t matter if the maths adds up though, right?” I replied, only half-joking and he chuckled.
“Maybe.” He grinned, a simple, shameless smile that made my insides ache with love. “And, yes, Evy. I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anything in this entire fucking world. Including that chocolate cake you made when we were younger.”
He loved me. Cooper loved me right back and it was almost too much to process.
“Can I ask you one more thing?” Suddenly remembering the thing I’d been wondering and never asked, I was desperate to know, as I turned to straddle him properly, wanting our bodies to align perfectly.
“You can ask me anything,” he claimed, leaving a trail of kisses up and down my neck.
“Where did this ring come from?”
Reaching for the hem of my jumper, he lifted it up and over my head before he pulled me into him, breathing into my chest.
“I had it made for you.” He pulled back, taking my hand and pressing a kiss to my finger. “I think a part of me knew you belonged to me, even before I was ready to know it.”
I couldn’t speak. For once, there were no questions that mattered anymore. Because he’d had this ring made for me. He’d designed the perfect piece of jewelleryforme. A symbol of a lifelong promise.
