In conclusion, I said, “I dared not drink anything for the rest of the evening. Indeed, it rather put me off liquids of any sort for the remainder of the season.”
Elizabeth’s smile faded. “After having received such deceitful treatment, it is no wonder you are not eager to befriend others. But, Mr. Darcy, if I am overly trusting, then you are too suspicious! Do you mean to suspectallsociety of plotting to manipulate you because of the machinations of only a few?”
She was right, and I could not do otherwise than admit it after she had admitted her own fault so freely. “It is true; I do not trust easily.”
Silence filled the room. My mind was full of uncertainty. Although I wanted her to understand me, I feared I had revealed too much.
“And yet you have confided in me. Mr. Darcy, you have apologized to me more than once, and I forgive you with all my heart, but I am not without fault. Because I was so eager to justify my prejudiced opinion of you, I became a receptive audience for a man who did not deserve my confidence. I spoke unkindly about you to my family and neighbors. I helped him spread his lies, no doubt as he intended. I cannot think upon my behavior without feeling ashamed of myself and realizing how I would have acted had I been more sensible. I am so sorry for the harm I have done to your name. An apology feels insufficient, and yet I have nothing else to offer.”
“Please, Miss Elizabeth…” There was so much I wished to say that the words piled up between my mind and my tongue. I grabbed the only fragments that had crossed the dam. “Let us not dwell on the past. Let us… be friends?”
CHAPTER 11
The following morning, I awakened to discover my arm wrapped around a warm, supple body. Panic flinched through my limbs. She stirred, rubbing her cheek against my chest and clearing my disorientation.
Elizabeth.She smelled of fresh rain, earth, and rose petals—my favorite things. Her hair tickled my face, but I was too afraid of disturbing her to brush it away. What if she woke up? How would she react? How should I react?
The rain had lasted well into the night, and we had conversed until our eyelids grew heavy. We talked of books and music and horses. Most of all, we spoke of our families, exchanging story after story until I felt a closeness to the Bennets that only a better understanding of their past could afford. Gratified in Elizabeth’s friendship, I slept as I never have before.
It took a few moments for me to realize that I really ought to remove myself from the bed immediately. The sooner I dressed?—.
My god, only a sheet and blanket separated her from me!
No, that was not quite right, I discerned as I identified the scratch of wool under my arm?my greatcoat. During the night, I must have pulled it over her. She had all the blankets as well asmy coat, and although my left side faced the door to protect her from the wind, I had not been awakened by the cold.
Nor was I inclined just then to move. I wished to stay here in this spot forever, with Elizabeth’s head against my shoulder, her arm crossing my torso, her hand resting against my chest, and her leg thrown over my right side.
Slowly, deeply, I inhaled the scent clinging to her hair as I considered how best to extract myself from the single bed. I wiggled my torso away, but she mumbled and clutched onto my shirt, holding me in place. Much as I wished to oblige her unconscious whim, I knew it would be best to spare her the embarrassment of finding herself sprawled over me when she awakened.
Perhaps I should start from the bottom,I thought. Inch by painstaking inch, I wiggled my feet out from under her and over the side of the bed.Success!A quarter of my person was out of the bed, and soon both of my legs dangled off the side of the straw mattress, my waist and arms coiled so as not to disturb the beauty slumbering there. But now that I had begun, I had to finish. I could not hold this contortion much longer.
As I tried to decide what I should do next, a pounding at the door made all of my efforts to wake Elizabeth up gently for naught. A female voice shouted, “Lizzy? Lizzy Bennet!”
Elizabeth jolted upright, grabbing my coat and pulling it tightly around her, her eyes widening as the remainder of my body plopped unceremoniously to the floor without her weight to balance me upon the bed.
“One minute!” I replied to the stern voice on the other side of the door. After looking over to assure that Elizabeth was as presentable as the circumstances allowed, I smoothed the front of my shirt as well as I could and stuffed my feet into my boots. Then I opened the door, occupying as much space as possible to prevent them from seeing Elizabeth immediately.
Miss Charlotte Lucas stood at the doorway, and Mrs. Bennet sat stiffly behind her on the seat of a cart, markedly vexed. “Mr. Darcy,” she said in a scold, “what areyoudoing here?”
Thankfully, Miss Lucas spoke more to their purpose. “Mrs. Bennet was concerned?—”
“I did not sleep a wink all night! Such is the tribulation of a devoted mother!” called Mrs. Bennet.
“—when Lizzy did not return to Longbourn before the storm began.”
“Ungrateful, obstinate girl! We shall be cast out into the hedgerows, and here I am, forced to ride here with the back-stabbing viper who has stolen Mr. Collins!” Miss Lucas pressed her eyes closed and breathed in slowly while Elizabeth’s mother continued. “I shall never forgive Lizzy for this! My suffering is too great to speak of, too painful to express!”
If Sir William had succeeded in his alluded purpose when he invited Mr. Collins to stay at Lucas Lodge, I understood the reason for Mrs. Bennet’s distress. After hearing what had been said, Elizabeth must now suspect why Miss Lucas had been added to her mother’s growing list of people to whom she would not speak, though my new friend would not be quick to accept it. Not a sound came from behind me, though I felt her stare burning against my back.
Miss Lucas pressed her lips closed and looked heavenward, visibly steeling her patience. “The Bennets thought Elizabeth must have stayed the night with me at Lucas Lodge when the weather turned.”
“I had hoped Lizzy would come to her senses! There is no hope for us now!”
Lips tight, voice sharp, Miss Lucas continued, “I did not know Elizabeth had meant to call at Lucas Lodge until a message arrived from Longbourn for her. I sent word back that she was not with us and immediately went there in the cart.”
Talking over Miss Lucas as though she were not present, Mrs. Bennet continued, “If only I had sent Mary in my stead! I was convinced Lizzy had changed her mind and had accepted him!”
“I could not leave Mrs. Bennet in her agitated state, so I insisted that she accompany me.”
