But there is also a distance between us that I can’t explain.
We’re together, but we’re not. It’s almost like he’s letting himself be with me, but he’s given it a firm expiration date. Like old milk. That does not do good things for a girl’s ego.
I see King standing off to the right, watching me. I could go to him and let him hold me, walk with me, talk with me. And he would. He’s been living this fantasy out in public for those who are carefully watching to see. It’s like he has one foot in the shadows and one in the light. It’s everything, and it’s frustrating as hell.
I need to get my head in the game, so I turn and walk in the other direction without looking back. He might be disappointed; then again, he might not. With King, I never really know where I stand. Although I’ve had a sinking feeling that where I stand is on a fault line bigger than the San Andreas where he’s concerned.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” a voice near me asks, and I look up and see Colton Donavan.
“Hi,” I say with a genuine smile. Donavan and Dad were competitors for years before he retired, and even though the media liked to spin it as a rivalry, it was anything but. In fact, CDE and DHR are very similar. “Has Dad seen you yet?”
“No,” he replies with a smile. “I was just down here visiting Zander. He says you’re going to give him a run for his money this year.”
“I just might. You never know.”
“So I’ll ask again,” he says before nodding in the opposite direction I was moving. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
“Yeah, why?” I feel my cheeks heat. I’m mortified that he’s noticed the attraction between King and me. It’s unprofessional, and not to mention, it’s always been more than a little toxic, and the fact that I keep coming back for more does not say great things about me either. “Trust me, there’s nothing there.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he says with a sparkle in his eyes. “There’s definitely something there.”
“No, really,” I admit sadly. “There’s nothing there. Chalk it up to a hard lesson learned.”
“Look, Addie, I don’t know his story, but I know the look on his face and the pain behind it. I’d still be stuck in that hell if Rylee hadn’t pulled me out all of those years ago.”
“Yeah,” I say softly, because everyone involved in the racing world knows about their love story and how it changed both of them for the better.
“Don’t give up on him.”
“It’s not what you think—”
“Don’t give up on him.”
“Okay,” I whisper, because there was power behind his words. And just like my mom’s that day at lunch, it makes me wonder if I’m strong enough to fight for what I want, because the more I learn about King, the more I know he isn’t strong enough to fight for us himself.
He’s broken.
“Hey, Beckett!” Colton calls out. “Wait up.”
“Well, hurry up, old man,” Beckett calls back. “I got shit to do.”
He shakes his head with a smile on his face for his friend before turning back to me. “You’ll be okay, won’t you?”
“I think so,” I lie, and the sad smile he flashes me says he knows exactly how much bullshit it really is.
“Good luck tomorrow, Addie.”
“Thanks.” I laugh, thankful for the subject change. “CDE is gonna need it.”
“Okay.” He chuckles. “We gotta watch out for that Dark Horse.”
“You know it.” I wink. Colton touches my cheek with his index finger, and then he’s off, chasing after Beckett, and I’m left wondering again if I should dare to hope, or will I be the one left stuck in hell when this is all over?
I just don’t know.
What I do know is that tomorrow, I have a race to win, and I don’t plan on losing.
Chapter 15
