“I’m glad you have that,” I whisper. Tears burn my eyes. Today has been so overwhelming. I can’t stand it.
“You deserve good things too,” he says quietly.
“Maybe one day. Look, I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
“Adrienne—” he starts, but I move away.
“That’s enough about me,” I reply. “I think it’s about time I go back to my boring little life, don’t you?”
“Querida,” he says with a smile. “I bet you were never boring.”
“When do you think we’ll know something?” I ask, changing the subject.
“This isn’t your fault. You know that, right?”
I look away. It is. Eric never should have been hurt. If he was anywhere else, he would be whole. He would be healthy. But he was here, protecting me. This is my fault. It’s all my fault, and if he’s not okay, I don’t know how I’ll live with myself.
I look out the window into the parking lot. The sun is setting on a terrible day, and I can’t help but feel like nothing is ever going to be right again.
I hear the door open behind me, and I know who’s there and can’t turn around and face him. I can’t look at King and see the disgust in his eyes. It’s the same disgust I feel for myself. I close my eyes, grip the windowsill, and try to beat back the tears, but it’s no use. They roll unchecked down my cheeks. I don’t want to be here in this room anymore, but I have to stay here and wait for news on Eric. I can’t leave, because I can’t go anywhere by myself, and the men in this room are the only ones who I can be with safely, but one of them hates me.
Does it even matter anymore? What if Eric never gets the chance to set things right with this mystery woman? What’s next? King? Manny? What if something happens to Manny, and he doesn’t get to go home to his wife and six kids he loves so much? I can’t handle that. What if King never gets a chance to let that smirk turn into a smile?
I feel my body shudder as I try to hold it back, but I feel too much.
“Adrienne?” King calls out. “Look at me.”
“I can’t,” I whisper as I shake my head. And I really can’t. I can’t do it. I just need to be alone. I need to be able to get myself together. Maybe if they don’t talk to me, I’ll be able to hold it all together.
“Baby, look at me.”
I shake my head again. I can’t do it. “Please don’t.”
“Querida,” Manny calls out. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” I sob.
“Baby,” King says. “I need you to come here. Come to me.”
“No.”
“Addie,” he pleas softly. “I need you to come to me. If you can’t, I’ll have to come to you.”
“Please,” I beg. I know I will fall apart if he comes to me. Why can’t they just let me be in my own misery? And where is the goddamn doctor with news about Eric? But when his strong arms pull me around to him, I know he misunderstood. I wanted him to let me go, and instead he came to me. Maybe we’re forever destined to be on the wrong page with each other. “No!”
“Baby, you have to let it out,” he says. “Eric was doing his—”
“Don’t say duty,” I snap and bat at his chest with my fists. “Don’t you dare say the word duty to me. I am no one’s duty. Eric did not deserve to be put in the fucking hospital, and I can’t stand it. I can’t fucking stand it.”
“It’s okay,” he says quietly.
“No, it’s not fucking okay!” I scream. I try to push away from him, but he just pulls me tighter into his body. “You have to go! Manny has to go! Take Eric back to wherever you guys came from and go before it’s too late. I can’t take it. I can’t take more blood on my hands. You have to go! Go! Why aren’t you going?”
My voice is harsh and caustic even to my own ears, but I’m lost to my fear and my guilt. I need them to let me go, and they won’t. Why won’t they leave?
“Just go,” I sob hysterically. “Go, go, go. Why won’t you go?”
“Because I can’t,” he says gently.
