“Don’t.”
He pounds into me, harder and faster than he normally does. This is as rough as it will be quick.
“I can’t stay away,” he admits, and it sounds like his confession is torn from his chest.
“I don’t want you to,” I pant as he possesses me, and the pads of his fingers dig into my thighs as he plunges into me again and again.
He takes my mouth with his and licks in. He overwhelms me with his mouth, his body. His scent is in my nose, and he surrounds me completely. I have to hold onto the rope that bind me. I need something to hold onto or else I might just splinter apart, and I have a feeling if that happens, there will be nothing that can put me back together again.
But like always, King has his way, even when his way is to destroy me in the very best of ways. I rip my mouth from his and arch my body back as I come.
He drives into me one last time and then follows me over the edge.
In these mere moments after, it’s like he becomes a completely different person, one who wants absolutely nothing to do with me at all. And I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt.
“Fuck,” he bites out as he pulls free from my body, setting me back on my toes, and he tucks himself back into his pants.
He quickly unhooks the rope from the hook on the wall and unwinds it from around my wrists. I wiggle my fingers as the blood flows back into my hands. It burns, but the way that King is freaking out right now, I don’t want to draw attention to my own discomfort.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I never should have touched you.”
“King—” I start, but the sound of his name on my lips makes him flinch.
“I have to go. I won’t touch you again,” he murmurs before he turns on his heels and walks away, leaving me feeling like there’s an air of finality to it all.
Eric pokes his head in about thirty minutes later to drive me home. Thankfully, I’m cleaned up and have clothes again when he does. When we leave the track, King is nowhere to be found. I figure I’ll see him later that night. He always comes to me at night.
But he doesn’t come to me at all. In fact, he doesn’t even come to the house. Eric sleeps on the sofa downstairs.
I had wanted out of this toxic cycle so badly, and now that he’s gone, I feel despondent. Even though I denied it, all along, I hoped he would fall for me like I had fallen for him.
I guess some dreams just don’t come true.
Chapter 12
Can’t be it
It’s been three days since King fucked me in the garage during the lightning storm. It’s also been three days since I’ve seen him. Both Manny and Eric have stuck to me like glue. I feel crowded and lonely all at the same time.
I miss him.
I never bothered to consider King an option until my mom said he would be worth the heartache. I knew it was never a possibility until I shared everything that happened with my mom. But that’s the funny thing about hope. Once there’s that bud that can bloom or a spark to light the fire, there is no turning back. Once I had the idea in my head that maybe I could make this work, I knew I wanted it, and like always, I drove too fast, not knowing where I was going.
With King, it’s now abundantly clear I have no idea what I’m doing.
Like the last few days, I go to sleep alone and then wake up alone. I shower and braid my hair, I brush my teeth, I dress in the clothes I wear under my FR suit, and I head to the track to train, to watch tapes of other drivers, to prepare for the race as best as I can. It’s like I’m trapped inGroundhog’s Day, and I do it all alone.
Eric meets me in the kitchen. He’s dressed in jeans and a gray T-shirt. His jet-black hair is cropped close to his scalp like he’s still in the military. And he has the most interesting violet eyes. He is probably closer in age to me than anyone else, and even though he is probably one of the most handsome men I have ever seen, and he treats me kindly and with respect, I only want King. I want his dark eyes and brooding disposition. I want all of his scowls and the way the corner of his mouth tips up when he wants to smile but won’t quite let himself. I want him in my bed at night but also there to wake up to in the morning. I want it all, and yet it was never mine to have.
“We have time before we need to leave if you want to grab something to eat,” Eric says. It’s his polite way of commenting on the fact that I have stopped eating breakfast. I get half a sandwich in me in the afternoons when everyone’s watching me, and I grab a protein shake at night for dinner. Or skip the shake and have a glass of wine. It’s a really big glass of wine. I’m pretty sure that’s a fruit.
“No,” I reply. “I’m just going to grab a water, and then I’ll be ready to go.”
Eric watches me and then nods and grabs his keys. I get the feeling that even though he’s younger than King, not much gets by him. “Ready when you are.”
“Great.”
The drive to the track is awkward and weird. Eric and I haven’t had much time to interact on any level, because I’ve been with King every second of every day. And I wonder if he knows what happened. Does he know I’m the dumb girl who fell for the guy who just wants to fuck the client? My cheeks burn with the very thought of it. I’m such an idiot.
