The genuine joy in Ivy’s voice should’ve made Grace feel lighter, but it landed like a stone in her gut. Happiness felt fraudulent when she was still missing such a key part of the story. When she couldn’t understand just how miraculous her feelings for Alix were.
Ivy’s grin disappeared, replaced by a furrowed brow. “Hey. What was that? You just went somewhere else.”
Grace averted her eyes like the absolute coward she was — had been. “There’s something else… Something, I, um, haven’t told you…”
“Girl, talk significantly faster.” Ivy’s body tightened with anxiety. “You’re making me nervous. Is she married? Is she a serial killer?”
“No, it’s not about Alix.”
“Grace, I love you, but you’re killing?—”
“It’s about Julie,” Grace blurted. Just saying her name started a tremor in Grace’s hands when her stomach lurched.
“Julie?” Ivy shook her head as if running through a catalogue of options because Grace was taking too long explaining. “Was she still mad about that hearing? It went fine, we?—”
“We were together.” Grace unleashed the secret that had felt so enormous for so long but sounded like a meaningless wisp when she let it out.
Ivy’s mouth opened, then closed. She blinked, processing the three words as if they were a foreign language she was slowly translating. “Together?” she finally echoed, her voice a near-whisper. “You and…JulieJulie —Julie? Our Julie?”
Grace could only nod. The shame was so heavy it felt like a physical weight on her shoulders. She braced for the judgment.
But Ivy’s shock didn’t curdle into judgment. It sharpened into something else entirely. Her face, usually so open and expressive, went unnervingly still. She leaned back in her chair. “For how long?”
“Two years. It ended maybe nine months ago.” Grace was surprised that the absence that haunted her was so hazy now. Like the relationship had happened to someone else.
“And the whole time… no one knew.” It wasn’t a question.
Grace shook her head. “It was a condition. The secrecy.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.” Shame flushed cold and rancid in Grace’s belly. “I’ve never gotten any advantage?—”
“Grace, please.” Ivy shook her head. “Absolutely no one with a single brain cell would think that you haven’t worked your assoff, or thatJuliewould ever be ruled by the emotion required for favoritism.” She paused, her shoulders dropping. “I just can’t believe you suffered through all of that alone.”
All Grace had was a useless shrug. In the light of day, it all seemed so wrong now. To be asked to keep an entire life with someone quiet. To be hidden. To be a secret. “I promised her,” she said, exhausted. “And you work here. I couldn’t…”
“Fuck that promise,” Ivy said with thundering conviction. “Fuck Julie, and this job. What matters is that my friend got her heart broken and felt like she couldn’t tell me. Couldn’t tell anyone,” she added in disgust. “That’s just wrong, Grace.”
Ivy stood to drag Grace out of her seat and into a hug. Grace didn’t resist. She squeezed Ivy and wished she could explain how many times she’d wanted to tell her the truth.
“I always hated her. She treats you like a workhorse. Now I want to key her car,” Ivy said when she let her go. “But that’s not the point.”
Grace chuckled, low and tired. “Well, then I’m glad I didn’t tell you when I was still heartbroken or we both would’ve gotten fired.”
Ivy leaned against Grace’s desk, gaze searching. “You never owed that woman or this place your silence, babe.” She squeezed Grace’s arm. “But you know, I have never seen you happier than in the last hour when you were talking about Alix.” She smiled wistfully. “It’s like she turned the light on.”
Grace couldn’t deny that it was exactly how being with Alix felt. Like a switch flipped. A new life discovered. A life more earnest in every possible way.
“I’m so happy for you, Grace.”
“Me too.”
After Ivy left, Grace swiveled her chair to face the wall. It was covered in framed degrees and certificates. They were symbols of a life she had meticulously constructed, brick by painful brick.For fifteen years, her achievements had been such a source of pride.
Now, it just looked like a wall. The paper, thin. The frames, too big. They were trophies from a game she didn’t want to play anymore. Another truth fought its way through the dense forest of expectation and pressure. The life she’d been building was no longer the one she wanted.
Grace’s phone dinged.
Alix
I can’t sleep without you.
