Ramel
I didn’t want to be there, but out of respect for my father, I was walking into what would soon be the headquarters of Ponya Medical Facility. I agreed to this meeting, not to have him change my mind or even listen to how he felt about my decision; I came to offer him an alternative.
If that alternative sounded appealing to him, then he would accept it, and if he didn’t accept it, that was on him because it had nothing to do with me. I had already made up my mind, and I wasn’t going to let him change it. We could beat around the bush if we wanted to, or he could accept what I offered and put an end to this whole thing.
“Son, it’s so good to see you,” he said, standing from his desk and extending his hand for me to shake.
My father had a way of speaking that made people who were listening think we hadn’t just spoken on the phone the other day. Whenever he was in public, he had a professional demeanor that even a conversation with his only child, his baby boy, couldn’t shake. The other day, his voice was raised as if he thought I was still a child. Today, he was even-toned with a hand stretched out to me.
I hated being on different pages with my pops. Not only was it rare, because I usually agreed for his sake, but it was also uncomfortable. Pops wasn’t used to not getting what he wanted, and he was even more unfamiliar with me not following his lead.
I respected both of my parents more than anything or anyone else in this world, but I didn’t like the way my life was going with them at the head. We were at a point of resistance now, and I didn’t see it coming to an end anytime soon.
The fact that he was coming around his desk to shake my hand like nothing happened let me know he believed he was going to get what he wanted. I never liked to disappoint my parents, but that seemed like the direction we were headed. I could tell by his facial expressions that he wasn’t prepared to take my answer in stride, and I was no longer in the business of just doing what the fuck he said.
“What up, Pop?” I kept it short.
“Come on. Take a seat. Take a seat,” he said, motioning me to the chair that sat across from his desk before he walked back around the desk and took his seat. My dad pushed back from his chair and crossed one leg over the other before he started to talk.
“So what’s this I hear about you wanting to call the engagement off? I don’t remember you discussing this with me. If you are having cold feet, son? That is something we can work through.”
He got right to the point, and I wasn’t mad about it. The quicker we got done with this little talk, the faster I could get back to work and wrap shit up for the day. We’d just had this conversation on the phone, so I had no idea why my dad was acting like this was his first time hearing it. Still, if he wanted to hash this thing out all over again, I would oblige.
“I don’t have cold feet. I’m just not marrying Lacy. And I didn’t speak with you about it, Pops, because honestly, it wasnone of your business. I spoke to the person I was supposed to give a heads up before I left that whack ass party.”
“Where is this coming from, son?”
“I see no point in me marrying Lacy. I don’t love Lacy. Lacy don’t love me. So what the fuck would we look like getting married?”
“You would look like a man doing what his father instructed him to do.”
“And that’s the problem. Like you said, I’m a man. You can’t instruct me to do a damn thing.”
“Is that right?”
“Look. I understand this marriage would be the right move for the family business. I want to help. I truly do, but not this way.”
“So you came here to tell me you refuse to do what I have asked?”
“I’m here so that you and I can find a workaround because I’m not going to marry her.”
“I beg to differ.”
My pop gave me his signature smile. It was the same smile he wore when he knew he was about to get his way. That was the problem with him. My dad rarely ever got told no.
He worked hard for everything he had in his life, and the best thing he had was a wife, who was willing to please him at every corner. My mom worked harder than anyone to make sure that my dad got everything he wanted. They were two peas in a pod. If she thought of something, he made it happen, and if he thought of something, she had already made it happen before he even thought of it. Those were the type of parents that I had, and as much as I didn’t want to disappoint him, I was going to have to.
“You can disagree all you want, Pops, but I’m telling you, it’s not going to happen. I’ve already made my mind up, and youknow when I make up my mind, ain’t no changing it. You taught me to make a decision and stand on it because that’s what a man does.”
Uncrossing his legs with a swiftness, my dad jumped up from his seat. I could tell by the look on his face that his mood had changed just that fast. He was pissed, but that was for him to deal with, not me. I wasn’t in the business of regulating another man’s emotions.
“Your attempts to keep dishonoring this family are becoming too much to deal with. We let you run off and join the army because you wanted to choose your career field. We both know becoming a doctor would have been a better option, but you’re a grown man now, and I can’t make you care about your future more than you do. But this, son, this is where I draw the line. You have known your entire life that you are supposed to marry Lacy. We need this wedding, this bond, to create the legacy that I’m going to pass down to you.”
“I have my own legacy, Pops. I don’t need you to pass me shit.”
“And what about your children, huh? And the ones after them? What are you going to give them, combat boots?”
My father had a look of pure disgust on his face, like everything about me and the way I lived my life was a disappointment to him. This wasn’t new to me. This was how he acted when someone went against anything he deemed necessary.
