Nick, calm down…
“A affi obeah she obeah yuh,” she mutters again, followed by a bitter chuckle. I glare at her, fists slowly clenching. My jaw tightens. “Nick… mi and yuh never deh,” she starts again, voice breaking. “But mi have feelings fi yuh. So how yuh fi sleep wid mi, then act like mi nuh exist, just ‘cause another gyal step in? Mi nuh know wah yuh tell the other gyal dem fi mek dem stay calm bout this… but yuh cyaa do mi this.”
She’s moving reckless. Maybe it’s because my family’s around and she figures mi nah go deal wid har serious. Or maybe it’s ‘cause she know mi nuh hit woman. But mi blood boiling now.
“Yow, Lorie… yuh know seh mi nuh ramp,” I say, tone deadly calm. “An’ yuh come a gwaan so cause yuh know mi nuh put mi hand pan woman. But mi swear yuh have mi a think otherwise.”
“Mi nuh care wah yuh wah say yuh nah married deh gyal deh!” she screams.
Gyal?! She think she can stop me? I step up to her, glaring so hard it cuts through the air. My voice is low. “Lorie. Lif’ up. Now.”
But she doesn’t listen. Instead, she slaps me across my face and just like that, I lose it.
I grab her by the throat and shove her back against the wall, rough. Her hands start flailing, pushing at me, but I press her in place. Every muscle in me tenses as I fight the urge to snap.I push her toward the door, trying to hold in the rage that’s burning in my chest. There’s too much darkness in me for this.
You’d kill her.
I push her toward the door, but she twists out of my grip and starts swinging, her hands flailing in the air, slapping and hitting wherever she can reach. I shove her hard. She grabs onto my shirt, and we both stumble, crashing over the glass table in the room. Jah Jah.
“Nickoi! A wah deh happen in deh!?” my mother shouts, banging on the door.
“Bro wah gwan!” Jordane yells from the other side.
“Dem a fight enuh!” Janel says, her voice trembling.
I hear my mother call for the key and footsteps sprinting away. I get up first, breath heaving, while she struggles on the floor. I adjust my shirt, trying to calm the fire crawling through my chest. Mi know mi still a hold back. Mi know how dawk my meds get and me know the kind of anger weh live inna mi. The kind o’ rage weh don’t stop.
“Try come out right now! See how much time mi a tell yuh!” I bark, eyes locked on her.
She wipes her tears, voice shaking. “Mi a go mash up that shit!” I grab her again and she starts kicking, screaming. I lift her and toss her on the bed. She’s crying now, curled, but still mouthing off.
“Mi a go send har some pictures, and you see if unuh nuh lef!” she screams through sobs.
I snap. My hand locks around her throat before I even realize. She chokes on her breath, legs thrashing. I lean over her, pressing my knee down in her thigh — hard. She winces loud. Can’t move.Nick… stop.
The door bursts open. My mother grabs me from behind, holding my torso, her hands on my back, trying to calm thestorm. “Come mi bwoy, nuh mek she draw yuh out,” she pleads. I’m still choking her gently, I press my knee down just a bit more. Her eyes squeeze shut, pain flashing through her face.
“S-Stop,” she whimpers. I look down at her.
“A you push eh man enuh. Mi nah ask,” Jordane says, voice flat. “But bredda… ease up offa har.”
I lean down to her ear. She twitches, but my grip holds firm. “Yuh forget who mi be today. Jealousy mek yuh test mi. But thank God mi know how fi wul mi anger… The gun deh pan mi right now, and mi coulda use it. But mi nah do dat. True yuh deven know the amount of self control mi just exercise.” She trembles. Her body softens slightly.
“J-Just raise up nuh… p-please,” she whispers, voice barely there.
“Bombaat, the man dawk enuh,” one of my cousins mutters, half-laughing. Another one chuckles low. But my eyes stay locked on her. Watching her hurt. Watching her shake.
“Shut up! Yuh think a joke thing dis? Betta unuh come out!” Jordane roars, knocking on the wall with force.
“A’right,” my mother snaps, stopping him with a look. She rubs my back again, her voice soft this time. “Ease up offa har now, Nick… please.”
But mi still deh pon har. I lean in, one last time, voice low and venomous.
“Send har whatever yuh feel like. But mek sure yuh run. Mek sure yuh keep running. ‘Cause if yuh ever try nuttin, mi a bleach anyweh yuh deh and mi a kill yuh. And that’s not a threat. That’s a promise.”
I stare at her. Her eyes wide. She know mi serious. I release her and storm out the room, my chest tight, heart beatin’ like drum. Jordane trails behind me.
“Bredda… yuh want a weed?” he asks, trying to cool me down.
