“Someone in a good mood today,” I smile sweetly.
“I’m gonna make something for you,” I say, standing up and leaving them on the carpet.
“Ma!” Zai coos.
Zai! I’m coming back,” I smile. I make their formula and feed them, my eyes scanning the kitchen. Everything pressing in at once. The danger… the war.
“Oh boy,” I breathe out. My anxiety skyrockets like never before. When I’m done staring and overthinking I get the babies to burp before I walk to the room with them.
Zahir rubs his eyes as I approach the door. “Mommy gonna put you to sleep.” I peck his cheeks before I look at Zai. She’s just looking at me. I peck her cheeks before I say, “I love you munchkins.”
Hesitating, I push the door open and breathe when I find him sitting on the bed with his back facing me. Back to reality. After five minutes of putting the babies to sleep they close their eyes. I peck their cheeks and move away. It was so dreadful, putting them to sleep with an angry man across from me.
I slowly sit beside him, leaving a little space between us, just in case. After amoment, I hesitate, then slidemy hand into the space,brushing against his. Gradually, our fingers lace together.
Yuh never stop til yuh dweet.
He looks at me, and I meet his gaze. His eyes are red.
Damn.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. He doesn’t respond, he’s just looking at me.
“I’m here for you,” I say, rubbing his hand with mythumb before meeting hisgaze again. His eyes are likevermillion, catching me off guard, but somehow I steady myself. “Even in times like this… just tell me what you want.”
He looks away and I move closer, slowly snaking my arms around him. I know hehates it when people pity him.
“You don’t like this, when Ishow compassion in timeslike this right?” I ask. He doesn’t answer so I guess I’mright.
I draw back my hand and hegrabs it. “Only when a you.” His voice rough.
“What can I do for you?” I meet his gaze. I’m happy he holds my hand.
“Just listen,” he says and I look at him attentively.
“Okay I’m gonna listen,” Ipromise.
“Somebody wah kill me,” hesays, casual like it’s nothing. I stay silent, listening. Hearingthis from him makes my eyessting, tears threatening, because I know he’s in real danger.
“I know,” I say quietly but wewon’t let that happen.Al’right bad gyal.
“Mi nah say this fi scare youbut I made a promise to youthat I would never kill anyoneagain but mi a tell yuh from now Zara, some bwoy aguh dead.”
Ah bwoy.
“You have to defend yourself,” I shrug. “Iunderstand and I uh… want tobe there for you when you’reum… defending yourself.”
You wah inna war?My subconscious screams.
If I have to help him, yes. He shakes his head no. “That partof the promise mi nah breakwhen I said I’d never make anyone hurt you or put a gun on you again.”
I know he was gonna say this.
“But you can’t do this alone,” I reason.
“Zara wah mi ask you a while ago?”
“To listen,” I sigh.
