“It’s just a dent, she look like she let go the steering,” I hear a man say. His voice is far away, like it’s behind a veil. If it wasn’t that serious, why do I feel like my whole life just flashed in front of me?Breathe, Zara.
“Miss Jacobs!” Jania calls out to me, voice panicked, but I can’t answer her. I want to, but I physically can’t.
My mind is spiraling.
All I can think about is the fact that I almost didn’t make it. I wouldn’t have gotten to see my family ever again. I wouldn’t have seen my babies grow. I wouldn’t have felt Nickoi’s lips again or hear his voice whisper “I love you” while half-asleep.
I feel the tears now. I know I’m crying, my vision is too blurred not to be.
I don’t think I ever want to drive again. Maybe I’m not ready for this.
I’m done.
Zara, anything can happen when you’re on the road.
Maybe… maybe it’s me.
This never happens when babe is driving. Maybe I’m the problem. Maybe I need more practice.
Zara… stop.
“Get some air, Miss,” Jania says softly, and I nod. The man who came to help opens my door, and I step out slowly, tryingto bring myself back to reality. He’s right, the car isn’t damaged completely. Just a small dent on the front.
If I don’t talk about it, no one will know.
“Seet, a nuh nothing too serious, muma,” the guy says, smiling kindly, and I nod, even though my heart is still pounding.
“Mi know the Benz parts them dear, so muma would a affi a fret,” he chuckles.
Him think a that mek mi zone out? Him crazy?
I stare at the dent, feeling numb.
If only he knew the car was the last thing on my mind. My husband has a garage filled with cars. I wasn’t worrying about that. I was only thinking about my family.But him wouldn’t know that.
“Just make a body man deal with that man. And your car brand new again,” he says, and I nod once more, still dazed.
62
Ominous
Babysitting the twins is weirdly soothing, even as Nickoi calls me. I ignore it at first, focused on feeding the babies, but when I hear how deadly his tone sounds, I pause. The formula is halfway to the twins’ mouths when I stop, watching them stretch for the bottle. I laugh and teasingly push it a little farther.
A how the man sound so?
I walk into the living room, and the look on Nickoi’s face instantly makes me uneasy. Confused, I furrow my brow as I walk over to him slowly. He’s seated with a spliff between his fingers, glaring at the screen like it personally offended him. He’s mad like, really mad and I can feel it. My heart starts pounding, and the nervousness creeps in.
Mi nuh like when eh man angry wid me enuh because mi know eh man serious. Jah, a wah this bout?
“Yeah?” I finally say, testing the waters.
“Yaw idiot bredda?” he fires back, and I freeze.
Normally I’d snap at anyone who talks to me like that, but I can’t, not when it’s Nickoi. I’ve always looked up to my brothers, especially him. Disrespecting them? That’s not even a thought. I stay silent and wait for him to go on.
“You have a woman pregnant on her own pan eh road enuh. Yuh know that?” he asks, and I blink, stunned.
I shake my head, confused.
