Her body trembles as she speaks, and I can tell she’s shaking with fury.
“Suppose dem did kill yuh? Wah him woulda say to me then?”
Bigz reaches to hold her hand, probably trying to calm her, but she yanks it away. “We need fi know if him willing fi help with him yute.” But Mommy’s not calming down, her eyes are wild.
“Mi a go kill him enuh, Bigz.”
Bigz lets out a helpless sigh. The tension thick in the room, I try to break it.
“Mommy, his brother is the Don inna Spanish Town and Kingston and all ’bout enuh. Mi nuh want you do him nothing and then dem go hurt we.” My voice is weak, choked up with tears, but I need her to understand the danger.
“Mi look like mi care?” she snaps, eyes wide and locked on me. “Jania, mi look like mi care?”
My heart drops.
Why she nuh listen?
Why she a’ act like we invincible?
“When mi see him and the gyal,” she says, stuffing a fresh piece of weed in her mouth with a clenched jaw, “just watch wah go gwaan!” Her tone is cold.
I start breathing heavily, tears sliding down my cheeks again. “Mommy, just lef it alone,” I beg, my voice small.
She sucks her teeth loud.
“Why yuh woulda wah do this, Mommy?” I cry harder now, feeling like the whole situation slipping through my fingers. “Why yuh a mek dis worse?” She’s gonna get one of us or all of us killed.
She don’t see that?
“Best if yuh stop talk to me enuh. Mi say mi wah see the bwoy and the gyal weh beat yuh. Cause dem dead already.” She puffs on the weed like she’s not afraid of nothing or nobody.
“And wah happen after when him bredda find out?” I ask, trying one last time to reach her with reason.
“All yuh a talk bout is this bredda, bredda, enuh. Mi nuh care! Yuh nuh hear? A August Town mi come from enuh, and mi nuh fraid a nobody!” Her words hit like gunshots.
Wah dis mi really get miself into, fi real?
My tears won’t stop.
They just keep flowing, because deep down I don’t think she understands what we’re dealing with.
Bigz places his hand on his head, clearly anxious now. “Fi real, Denise, just listen. Mi know him… and him grimy. Mi see him inna treez couple times with a stout nigga, and dem man deh nuh look like dem ramp fi kill.”
“Mi nuh play either, enuh, Bigz. Mek dem kill me!” she shouts, “but deh bwoy deh clearly go mek Jania go through the same things her stinking fadda put mi through!” Her voice cracks with pain. “And mi grimy too. Jordane might have bredda weh a badman, but mi can run a program pan him.”
The way she says it, cold, confident. It scares me.
ZARA
I toss my bag into the passenger seat of my Benz, glancing around the shop.
People are mostly window shopping, but plenty are walking out with bundles and our products. This was supposed to be a quick stop, but business looks good today.
61
Hallow
Inside, Gavin’s on a stool, hanging up a blown-up photo from my latest shoot. My fit is tea. I still can’t get over it. I’m wearing a black blazer suit, red bottom heels, and my long Burmese middle part falling in soft waves down my back.
