And I've just destroyed him, destroyed the one person that I care about more than anything else.
I chase after him as soon as my brain comes back online. I need to tell him that we're okay. That this isn't what he thinks it is. He needs reassurance.
I'll be damned if he thinks that I don't want him around me.
It's more that I need less of him. I need to have time to assess these feelings. To get past them. Or at least to be better at hiding them.
I don't want him pressured. He shouldn’t feel like he has to be with me for us to remain friends. That's not the case at all.
As I follow him, I see his hand ball something up and throw it in the trash. He dips into the crowd before I can get to him. Rather than continue to track him, I double back to see what he dropped. I suspect it's something important. Something that has to do with his arrival.
The paper sits right on top of the trash. It's a beacon full of answers that I need.
When I unfold it and read through the seven items he has, the rest of my heart shatters.
Oh, my sweet Eddie.
He was coming here to help me. He wanted to know why I had been acting strange all this time. And instead of giving me thespace that I forced him to, he knew I would be better off with him around.
Or at least that's what he thought.
Me and my idiot self made him run.
The fact that number six on the list says “make it better” is a balm to my aching soul. I'm not sure what he thought would make it better. Perhaps he sees spending time with me as a way to fix things.
I’ve been known to relax after one of our days together. Would he go into Little space to give me that Daddy time that I crave? Does he know that I even crave it?
Or does he think that I do it out of the kindness of my heart?
I freeze as the idea forms. What if this entire time, Eddie has been catering to me thinking that I'm catering to him? Could this be just some miscommunication?
And if that's the case, does he want me like I want him?
There has to be a reason he followed me across the country when I told him I needed space. Maybe because he needs me as much as I need him.
Did I leave my boy alone when he shouldn't have been?
I panic at the thought. All this could have been prevented if I would’ve just opened my mouth.
It's been hard to find the words. Telling the truth risks everything.
I have to do it though. No matter what happens after this, he needs to know how I feel. If he wants to be with me, then we canwork through this. We can overcome our idiot ways of not just talking to one another and hopefully be happy together.
If he doesn't feel the same way, then at least he'll understand where I'm at. I know that Eddie would let me down easy. He wouldn’t mock me or placate me in any way.
Which is how I know that all this has to be just a mess, really.
Knowing that he’s running through town, likely crying, with no place to stay, and no one he knows here, sends a bolt of fear through me.
My Daddy senses go on alert.
I need to find Marian and Link. They'll know people in this town who can help find him. With the way those two are connected, I'm sure that I could be with him again in half an hour or less.
Turning around from my spot by the trash can with the note still clenched in my hand, I search for Santa. It seems silly to do, but that's the best way to look for that man in his crowd.
Link blends in with his holiday coat and hat, however, his husband stands out.
It takes me a few minutes to locate him. He’s surrounded by children at the gazebo in the center of town.
