The room around them was full of food, fragrance, conversation and music. But it all ceased to exist as Matthew focused on his wife’s crisp manner. The mood was bad between them and he did not like it. He felt responsible somehow, uncertain. When he should not have cared, he found that he did, very much. He abruptly stood up and collected her wrap.
“If you are not hungry, then I shall escort you back to our apartment.”
Furious for reasons she did not quite understand, she stood up, accepted the wrap, and allowed him to take her from the hall.Something was building in her veins and she was unsteady with it. The moment they left the White Tower and entered the cool, dark yard, Matthew spoke.
“I will say something here and now, madam,” his voice was a rumble. “If this is to be a successful marriage, then there must be total truth between us. You are obviously upset over something and I would know what it is.”
She came to a halt, facing him. Her lovely face was taut. “How dare you lecture me on truth. You did not tell me the truth when I asked you if you and Mark had exchanged more harsh words.”
He cleared his throat. “We did not exchange harsh words. We.…”
She turned on her heel and began to march away. But Matthew lashed out and grabbed her arm, snapping her back against him. He held her fast, his face looming menacingly above her own. For the first time, Alixandrea could see the deadly warrior in him. This was the man that all men feared. It was harsh and terrifying.
“You will never walk away from me in anger,” he growled. “Is that clear?”
“Or what?” she asked. “Will you unleash your deadly power on me as you would an enemy?”
He stared at her, his eyes narrowing. She could see that he was genuinely baffled. “What have I done to make you so angry with me?”
It all came spilling out. “You must ask this question? You ignore me all evening and when I ask you why Mark and Caroline do not stay, you are deliberately evasive with me. What am I to you, Matthew? Just a pretty woman on your arm, a wife in name and body only, or do you intend to make me a confidant and companion as well? Tell me now, husband, so that the next time you parade me around for show, I will know that it is onlyfor show and not because I have your true love, respect and intimate trust. Tell me now what you truly expect of me so that I will not ask questions in the future that you have no intention of answering.”
His gaze lingered on her. The grip on her arms loosened and she pulled away when she thought she could get away with it. She heard him sigh heavily.
“I expect you to be my wife.”
“What does that mean?”
“Precisely that. I told you that I loved you; wasn’t that enough?”
She thought she could respond with confidence and maintain her composure. But his simple words had her heart breaking and she broke into quiet tears. Matthew could not stand to see her weep and he went to her, standing so close that he could smell her.
“What have I said?” he begged softly. “What have I done now?”
She sobbed into her hand. “I do not want to be a wife in name and body only,” she wept. “Forgive me, but I want to be the person closest to you in every way. I want to know your thoughts, your fears, your hopes, and your dreams. If I ask you a question, I want the respect of an honest answer without hesitation. I want to be a part of you, Matthew, as you are indelibly a part of me. I would deny you nothing. I want to be all to you as you are all to me. To tell me that you love me is not enough. It is not enough at all.”
He put his arms around her, willing to take the chance that she would resist him. But she did not, collapsing against him and pressing her sweet body close. He rested his chin on the top of her head, feeling her soft and heaving flesh in his embrace.
“It is you who must forgive me,” he whispered. “This is all so very new to me. I have not the experience in this territory toknow enough to plot a smooth path. To tell you of my love for you was the biggest step I have ever taken, but I suppose that I do understand it is not enough. There is so much more. I would tell you my dreams and hopes and fears, but you must be patient with me. There may be times when it does not occur to me to do so out of sheer ignorance. And if I do not tell you something, perhaps it is because I am trying to spare you. You have very quickly become my all for living and I pray that you forgive my ineptness in showing it. I will endeavor to do much, much better if you will only make gracious allowances, madam. You are far wiser in these matters than I.”
She looked up at him, her cheeks wet with tears. As always, Matthew knew the right thing to say. It was becoming a habit with him.
“I am not wiser,” she sniffled. “Perhaps I want too much, what you cannot give.”
“I will give you whatever you want, I swear it.”
She smiled wanly and he wiped her cheeks with his thumbs, kissing the moisture away from her wet eyes.
“Now tell me the truth,” she said quietly. “Why did Mark and Caroline leave?”
The warmth in his eyes faltered. “Because I asked them to.”
“Why?”
There was no way around it. He had to tell her if there was ever any hope of having the marriage they both seemed so badly to want. “I was attempting to spare you, love.”
“Spare me what?”
He swallowed hard; she saw him. “The woman with them is Lady Caroline’s cousin.”
