“Bitch I’m gone do more than touch you if you keep dogging my daughter out. I’m gone end up dragging you to the backyard and wearing yo ass out! You don’t got to like me, but what you not gone do is make my Lo Lo feel like she did something wrong to your funky ass.” I turned away from her to head down the steps.
Soon as I touched the bottom step I felt Calissi’s hand wrap tightly around my wrist.
“You always take what’s supposed to be mine!” She said in a croaky voice.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I snarled.
“Aubry,” her head dropped in shame. “I asked him out to prom with me! I wondered why he declined…then I see him with my tenth-grade so-called sister who didn’t even belong there to begin with. Momma and dad damn near made it about you and it wasn’t even your year!” She hissed out like a serpent.
She can’t be forreal!I thought as I looked at her like she fell down the steps and lost her mind.
“How the hell was I supposed to know that?” I chuckled out.
On the inside, I recoiled. How the hell could Calissi be holding on to an old crush that I wasn’t aware of from high school.
“It’s always about you, then you have a damn baby…get dogged out by the same man that I wanted…Dad sets me up with a man who can change my life, and now you’re strutting around this house with a brand-new Benz! Bleu got you feeling like you that bitch when you don’t even know how to handle a man like him! All he’s gonna do is break your weak ass heart like Aubry did! She bellowed out then released my wrist like she was dismissing me.
Her words hit me hard. It dredged up insecurities that I buried a long time ago. It was the type of insecurities that started from me being the ‘Heavyset sister’. I remembered getting teased all the time about my weight but one thing people never denied was my beauty.
Back in school, I had big wavy hair. I remember constantly feeling like I was hiding behind all of my long pretty hair. I took pride in my hair because at the time, it made me feel like that was the only good-looking thing about myself. Besides my dad always telling me that I was beautiful, other people always liked to say,“You have beautiful hair.”
Every compliment on my hair started to feel like a burden because when would they see that I was actually beautiful and not just my damn hair. It became my identity in high school before I had a chance to build my own. So, on my eighteenth birthday, I cut it. I didn’t cut it to be brave, I cut it because I was tired of feeling small and worthless because of it.
I wanted to look at myself and see me. The first few days were rough for me to look at myself. I cried hard about it, and my mom and dad got me through it. Eventually I noticed that people started to look at me differently. Even Aubry, he fell in love with my new look. I remember him telling me how it fit me even better.
What mattered the most to me months later was how I started to see my face. How I looked in the mirror and saw that I was indeed a beautiful soul. I gained strength from the haircut and started to adore myself. I learned who I was at the time and decided to keep my hair short as a reminder that I didn’t need to hide to be whole.
I felt my chest tighten; a mix of anger and guilt swirled inside me. I wanted to defend myself, tell Calissi that she was wrong, that I never meant for things to turn out this way then curse her ass out…but the pain in her voice made me hesitate. For a moment, the silence hung heavily between us, broken only by the shaky breaths we both took as I tried to gather myself by her revelation.
“Everybody is entitled to feel what they feel, Calissi. I won’t apologize for Aubry, and I sure as hell ain’t apologizing for Bleu. I like Bleu a lot, I have feelings for him as well. It’s not even just because of the sex and expensive ass gifts he showers me with. He listens and see me for who I am. He goes the extra mile to prove that he wants me. So, all of your insults about my weight and me being baldhead don’t hurt me. You obviously have some high insecurities of your own. We are all grown living under our parents’ roof. I try to have all the decency and respect for you…you just don’t have any for me.” My eyes bored into hers.
I wanted her to see that I truly didn’t hate her. The fire and hate that burned in her eyes for me was disturbing. I wanted a heartto heart with her but wouldn’t beg for it, especially if it was one-sided.
“For years, I felt like you got more of momma then I did. You are her first-born; she fell in love with you first. She had you two in a half years before I came along. I used to feel like she always took it easy on you, while spoiling Kenzuri since she was the baby. Now that I’m grown with a child of my own, I know it wasn’t favoritism. Our parents know our needs, our strengths, weaknesses and so on. You need to resolve whatever you feeling inside and work on you, Calissi. I plan on saving my money and getting up out of here, so I won’t feel like there’s always beef. Plus, I’m ready to have a house of my own. It’ll be soon hopefully.” I said lowly.
I didn’t wait for a response; I just needed a pick me upper and to get the hell away from Calissi.
Twenty-Four
TRULY
I slid into the den,still tight from my run in with Calissi. The vibe down here changed my mood instantly. The Tv was on the music channel, Kenzuri and Naveah posted up on the couch, wine in hand, popcorn crumbs on the floor that they would have to clean before my mom saw the mess.
The air smelled like sweet grapes and vanilla candles, with a strong hint of popcorn floating through. Kenzuri had her fuzzy pink blanket wrapped around her like armor, and Naveah was stretched out, laughing loud at something funny playing on her phone.
There was another familiar masculine smell that drifted and hit my senses.
Bleu sat cooly in the far-right corner instantly making me forget about everything else. He was laid back in his suit, probably fresh from Maison Langston’s, still looking sharp like he didn’t break a sweat at work. My feet moved on their own, I damn near floated over to him as he stood up. He had a cocky as smirk on his handsome face. His hand ran down the top of his waves, theway he stood could tell any woman that what he had between his legs was lethal and big.
His cologne was on point; I noted that it smelled different than his everyday scent. This new smell was woodsy with a crisp kick; it wasn’t overpowering but noticeable. He unbuttoned his navy-blue suit jacket and held his arms open for me. I practically threw myself in his arms needing to feel his hardness and warmth.
Bleu pulled me close, his arms locked me in tightly, and just like that, all the drama faded out. His hands grabbed two handfuls of my ass then crept up my back, slow and steady. He kissed my forehead, as I breathed him in.
“You said you was going to call me, tonight.” I murmured against his chest feeling weak in the knees.
“Aww hell naw!” Naveah shouted.
I buried my head in his chest; he kissed the crown of my head. I laughed lowly because I already knew Naveah was about to be on bullshit.
