“That’s why I never create anything I don’t understand…now it’s your turn. Tell me about yourself.”
Those hazel eyes pinned me again. I blinked and became suddenly aware of the soft hum of the air that came out of his vents. I looked away from him and into the night of the city lights that appeared to be brighter. My throat felt tight as I finally methis stare. Emotions that I fought to keep out of his personal space, fought to be free.
“There’s not much to tell about myself, Bleu. I have a two-year-old daughter, that I love with all of my heart.”
My chest constricted. Lolani’s big doe shaped eyes blinked with innocence in the forefront of my mind. I missed everything about my baby down to her scent.
“Try me, I’m not here to judge. There has to be more to you Thickumz.” He offered a comforting smile.
I inhaled sharply then slowly released, I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say but fuck it, what did I have to lose?
“I’m Truly Jackson. I don’t have it all figured out. I’m twenty-five, never went to college and I still live with my loving parents. I do different things that I’ve found joy in…such as hair, nails, skincare, and art…Now, I’m working on herbs, but I decided to pause that because my mom thinks I’m lost,” I looked down at my nails. “Maybe I am lost.”
“You don’t sound lost to me.” His voice didn’t waver. He looked at me without an ounce of judgement.
“Then what do I sound like?” I asked as my heart began to thud hard in my chest.
“Like a woman who doesn’t know how much power she has… Seems like you don’t have much support either.” He moved closer to me.
I started to hold my breath without realizing it.
“Tell me what you want…don’t give me a polished answer of what you think you’re supposed to say either.” His voice dropped low.
His question hit harder than I expected. Nobody ever asked me that, at least not like this with the kind of focus that he had locked into his eyes, like he wouldn’t let me lie.
“I don’t know,” I said quietly. “I’ve always just…tried things. Whatever comes to mind or if something sparked my interest, I try to master it. I hoped that something brought out my true passion. Once I succeed at it, I move on to something else that sparks my interest. I stick to hair and nails because it brings in the most money.” I thought of Lolani and decided against bringing her up again.
Mentioning my daughter would bring on a string of frustrations and emotions that I didn’t want to expose to Bleu.
“You’ve been chasing purpose instead of direction.” He stated simply.
“What’s the difference?” I asked wanting to know.
“Purpose is what other people expect you to live for…that’s what Maison Langston’s is for me considering my parents… I learned to accept and even love it…Direction is what you choose for yourself…Dom is the direction that I chose and created, it’s my baby and nobody can take it from me.” He looked away like he was stuck in deep thought.
The words settled between us like a truth I needed to hear. I exhaled and glanced past him and back into the night.
“I don’t want to feel like I’m drifting anymore. I want to belong somewhere, I just don’t know what it is. I’m a little too old now, not to belong.” I shook my head, blinking away my emotions.
“You belong somewhere…just understand that belonging isn’t comfort. It’s knowing you’re meant to be there…whatever there is for you…even if it’s not easy.”
He was so close that I could see a faint scar along his jawline. His eyes searched mine then went deeper until I felt fully exposed. It felt like Bleu could see all of my troubles by just looking deeply into my eyes.
“You always talk like you’ve got everything figured out,” I said softly. “You ever get tired of carrying all that control?” I smiled.
“Control is the only thing that’s ever stayed loyal to me.” A small, humorless smile tugged at his lips.
The way he said it, low and honestly with an edge of brokenness, made my chest ache in a way that I couldn’t explain.
“You can go anytime you want, Truly. But if you stay with me for the night I want honesty, no masks and no pretending.” He leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.
Eight
BLEU
I didn’t needthe results of Truly’s test results to know that she was clean. But it was something important that I always implemented to protect myself as well as the women that I got involved with intimately. It didn’t matter if it was for one week of entertainment or a month. I took pride in never having a sexually transmitted disease. I liked my women just as clean as me.
I could tell Truly was clean and her PH was on point by the sweet smell of her pussy. It took a lot of self-restraint and control to hold back at the gala. I wanted to bury my entire face inside of her pussy then imprint my name all up and through it.
