“What do you mean?”
He was grateful for the crackling fire and the hooting of what he assumed to be owls in the background. All the noises covered up the unnatural pounding of his heart. “About ten years ago, I was desperate to get away from Vic. To get the cadre out. So I went to Soo and drank her tea.” Their eyes met and something quiet like hope blossomed in his chest. “The same one we drank before.”
“And it showed you Ravki?”
“It showed me a woman with dark curly hair. Mismatched eyes.” He ran a hand down his face. “You were standing in an open field of endless green and all around you were golden flowers. I didn’t know what the dream meant at the time. Didn’t know you even existed. I figured her tea didn’t work.” He took in a labored breath. “Then I saw you at the Phoenix.” He stole a glance her way but she was watching the fire, brows pinched. “There wasn’t any mistaking who you were.”
“But the tea points you to what you desire most…” Her voice faded, as if she had answered the question before she even asked it. “If you didn’t even know me, how could you dream of me?”
“I don’t know. It’s why I pulled away at the Phoenix, why I left. I didn’t know if what was happening was real or a dream but I want to make one thing clear.” He gripped her chin, softly pulling her toward him until their eyes met. “I didn’t walk away because I didn’t desire you, I walked away because of how badly Idid.” His eyes dipped to her mouth and his body remembered just what it was like to have those lips on his skin.
He’d learned it was a dangerous thing to want, to desire things that were too good for him. Which is exactly how Stone found himself, still. Both wanting and desiring a woman who was too far out of reach. A dangerous game, one that he knew he’d never win, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying. If there were odds to beat, he’d find a way. “I still do,” he said. “Desire you.”
He dropped his hand from her chin but she didn’t pull away from his gaze. “And the golden flowers from your dream? Did you know what they were?”
A log popped in the fire, sending embers of light into the air. “I had a good idea of what I thought it could be,” he said.
A beat of silence save for the crackling of the fire and the pounding of Stone’s heart. “This has never been about finding Desmond for you, has it?”
“No.” He turned so their faces were close. Noses nearly brushing. “I mean, not at first, but I care about it now. About finding him.”
“Why?”
He assumed she already knew, but it was like she wanted to hear him say it. Needed to hear him say it. He wrapped his finger around a loose spiral curl.
“I care becauseyoucare.”
Twenty-Nine
Aesira
The fire burned and the wind groaned through the trees, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of him.
He reached out, drawing a line down her jaw, tracing her lips with his fingertips. She shuddered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about findingastra,” he said.
She reared back and the curl that was wrapped around his finger sprang free.
“You don’t owe me anything.” The truth doused her heated skin. “We hardly know each other.” There, she said it. The words built a new wall between them, taking the place of the others that had been shattered over the last few weeks.
It was better this way, she reminded herself. Her time in Vargah would be over the moment they returned. She would go whereverthe Order deemed fit. Whether that be the temple or a new station. She would bury the truth about Ravki and Celestria and she would live the remainder of her life stuck in a loop of constant regret.
“I don’t think that’s true,” Stone said, interrupting her thoughts. He flicked a loose leaf into the fire. “I know that you take your duties seriously.” Aesira snorted. Anyone who was a knight took their duties seriously, she wanted to say but didn’t have a chance, because Stone kept talking. “I know that pride and family mean more to you than anything. I know you like your tea ungodly sweet–” She shot him a glare which made him smile. His hands drifted back to hers. “I know you have many regrets and you never let yourself forget them.”
He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. “I know the way your lips feel against mine and the noises you make when my hands are on you.” Her stomach dipped. Skin heated. “I know the way you frown when you sleep and smile when you wake. Like you’re relieved to realize you were only dreaming.” He leaned back just far enough so he could see her face, using his thumb to tilt her chin up. “I know you like it when you catch me staring at you. I know you like when I touch you.”
A broken smile slashed across her face when she thought of all the ways she knew him too, then it quickly disappeared when she remembered who she was. Who he was. “There’s nothing wrong with a bit of sweetener in tea.” Stone’s laugh rumbled deep in his chest and Aesira felt it travel across her skin and down to her toes.
“Perhaps our biggest disagreement, Commander.”
A silence fell between them; just the flames and the wind and the noises Aesira was sure would keep her up the whole night. There were so many things she could say to Stone. So many things maybeshe should say, but the only words she could think of were, “I do like you.” A blush crept across Stone’s cheeks, a small smile begging to unfurl across his lips. “But that scares me.”
The smile vanished and his shoulders sank and Aesira wondered if she had ever said anything right in her entire life.
“I know.” Stone’s hand was still wrapped in hers, their bodies still pressed tight. “But there aren’t any rules out here, remember?”
“I suppose you would like that.” He laughed again and Aesira committed the sound to memory.
“I like that here I’m not an Odega,” he admitted. “I’m just someone passing through.” Aesira sat up straight and stared at him.
