“A queen that’s trying,” he said. “Your efforts haven’t gone unnoticed, Kamari.” His hand slid down her back, burning a line every place they touched. She didn’t mean for her fingers to flex around his, didn’t mean for that to signal that he should pull her closer.
“I’m sorry about my parents,” he said. “By the time I realized they’d sent a letter to Novaria, there was nothing I could do.”
The music grew louder, switching to something more upbeat. More couples joined them, theastralights flickered, Raffe’s hands tightened around her, trapping her in place against his body and her lungs tightened.
She was suffocating and no one noticed.
Her skin became hot and sticky under the lights and under everyone’s gaze. Under Raffe’s unwelcome touch. Couples dancedaround them, laughing, drinking. Life continued on and all the while Desmond was missing and a sacrifice loomed in the near future. She should not be here. They should not be here. Celestria–
She cut her thoughts short. Her anger with the goddess was something she hadn’t admitted to out loud, only in her weakest moments when night was thin and dawn was swiftly approaching, when sleep and hope were lost, did she allow herself to truly feel.
After all their sacrifice, the least the goddess could do, she thought, was offer a semblance of hope. A moment of peace or knowing that Desmond was safe somewhere under Her watch but the goddess had given her nothing, even after Kamari had given Her everything.
The music began to fade so Kamari took advantage of the shift in songs to peel herself from Raffe.
“Thank you for the dance.” She dipped her chin and Raffe’s face morphed from bewildered to calm and collected in an instant. He was almost better at playing this role than her.
“The pleasure was mine.” He bowed again and over his lowered back she caught the reddened face of her father. The disappointing shake of her mother’s head. The sneering glances of several lords and ladies.
She spun on her heel and wove her way through the crowd, smiling and being cordial when she needed to all the while her heart raced, her stomach sick and filled with disgust. She was almost out, almost to the hall when the High Priestess made her way toward Kamari, purple silk robes dragging behind her, face hidden beneath a veil of moons and stars.
Not now, Kamari thought.Please, not now.
“Your Majesty.” The priestess’ voice was honey smooth, her pale hands stretching out from beneath the draped fabric, reaching for Kamari.
“High Priestess.” Kamari dipped her head, felt her father’s eyes bore into her from across the room. “Thank you for attending. Your presence has put the people at ease.”
The priestess slipped her hand around Kamari’s. It was cold, hard. She fought the urge to wriggle free from her grip. “I am told I’ll be seeing you soon,” she said. “Counseling?”
Right. Counseling with Raffe.
“Yes,” Kamari said. “In a few weeks. After Naming Day, whenastraand water are restored.”Hopefully, never,she thought. “I appreciate you being here, Priestess, but I was just heading for the washroom.” She pulled her hand free but the Priestess snagged it back, gripping it tight, the cool metal of her rings biting into Kamari’s skin.
“Be cautious, daughter of Celestria. She is always watching, alwayslistening. Even to the things you do not say." Her grip tightened around Kamari's hand. "Doubt would be an awful thing for the Goddess to hear this close to Naming Day, wouldn't you agree?” Kamari's fingers shook but she forced a smile and nodded. With that, the Priestess let her go, slipping into the crowd, her purple robes long and flowing like water.
Kamari hurried away, disappearing into the small corridor used mainly by the attendants, before anyone else could grab her attention.
The music from the hall hummed through the narrow walkway, trickling into the dark corner where Kamari tucked herself. Anache grew in her chest, dense and smothering. She smoothed her hand over her heart, urging it to find a normal rhythm.
A familiar voice rose above the music, edging down the walkway. “I want each of you at every exit. I want eyes on everyone coming and going.”
Kamari peeked around the corner just enough to see Nev’s black boots. She pressed herself tighter into the corner, stifling her panting breaths with the back of her hand. Nev barked her orders again, boots scuffled, likely sending the other knights on their way.
When she only heard the music again, Kamari stole another glance to see Nev still waiting, lips fused together and face hard as granite. Her red hair was slicked back, her bold brows furrowed.
Her gaze dipped right to where Kamari was hiding. She slunk back into the corner and pressed her eyes tight.
Minutes passed and there were no other noises than the music. No heavy boots. No orders being called.
Nev had given her the gift of privacy, albeit she would wager a large sum of money that the knight was at the entrance of the corridor, hand on her sword, ready to stave off anyone who deigned to enter.
Still, Kamari slunk all the way to the floor, waves of purple silk pooling around her. She pressed her hands against her chest, as if the pressure would be enough to soothe the deep ache that ripped through her since Desmond’s disappearance.
She closed her eyes, focusing on her heartbeat, trying her best to drown out the revelry happening just on the other side of the corridor.
You’re celebrating someone’s death,she wanted to shout.
You’re celebrating while myhusband is missing.
