Nora’s brows furrowed. “And if you findastra? Water?” She bit her bottom lip and shook her head. “We’ve done terrible things toclaim them, Commander. Ifastraand water are out there, there’s no going back.”
Aesira opened her mouth, then quickly clamped it shut because Nora was right. Ifastragrew and water was accessible, how could they ever return to Vargah and pretend it wasn’t?
Eighteen
Aesira
Stone led the way through what was left of Dire. Aesira avoided the building from last night the best she could and despite knowing the Strix was holed up somewhere away from the daylight, she couldn’t help the uneasy feeling that they were being watched.
A few sparse trees lined a path up the mountain, rocky ground churned under her boots, so different from the grainy sand she was accustomed to. The lights of the torches on Aquila eventually disappeared and when the first star shone in the dusty pink sky, Stone made the announcement they were going to stop for the night. He led them to a small cave that would provide some protection and with enough torches to surround them while they slept in shifts.
“I’ll take the first watch,” he said. Birdie and Bee busied themselves by pulling some pre-packaged food from their bags while Aesira tossed her pack aside and helped Stone with the torches.
“You really think these will be enough to keep the Strix away?” She pressed the torch into the dirt, twisting until it felt stable.
“We’re far enough outside of town, I don’t think it will be a problem.” He tossed her another unlit torch. “They have one goal and that’s to feed as much as they can in order to breed. Judging by the number it did on Dire, the Strix we ran into likely had its fill and will leave to find a mate.”
Aesira could only hope that would be the case. Still, she made sure the torches were secure and completely surrounding the outside of the cave. “And Patch and Nora…”
Stone lit the last torch, warm flames tangling with the darkness. “I can’t speak for Nora, but Patch can hold his own. If he isn’t scared of taking on Vic, we shouldn’t be either.”
After a quick dinner of preserved meats and a few precious sips of water, Stone took first watch like he said he would. Aesira tossed and turned on her thin bedroll. She had so many questions that didn’t have definitive answers so instead of continuing to stew over them, she decided to put herself to work elsewhere.
“I’ll take it from here.” She sat down next to Stone, who had one of Desmond’s journals opened in his lap.
“You should be sleeping, Commander.”
She shrugged and peered through the line of torches, out to the jagged peaks tinted blue from the moon. “Sleep and I don’t get along these days.” Her gaze drifted upward, to the stars twinkling like millions of eyes watching in the dark sky. The eyes of Celestria,they were told as children.She’s always watching. Always sees.“What do you believe in, Stone?”
She glanced at him. He closed the journal but kept it clutched in his fist. “I believe in a lot of things.”
“Celestria?” The name felt bitter on Aesira’s tongue. She spent her life devout to the goddess of the stars.
As a child, it was drilled into her that everything they have was because the goddess allowed them to have it. As a girl forced to join the Order her reverence in Celestria was made permanent. She could still smell the sting of burnt flesh when her commander touched the white-hot iron brand to the back of her arm. The “C” forever branding her skin. Proving her loyalty.
“There was a time I believed in the goddess,” Stone said. “I thought she might save me from the Outpost. Save me from Vic.”
“And now?” She was grasping for something, she just wasn’t sure what. Even after what she’d learned, thatastramay be something organic, a part of her needed to believe in Celestria. Needed to know that all the years of her life spent on her knees was for a greater good. She needed it to be real.
Stone sighed and pulled his glasses off to clean them with his shirt. A sliver of skin exposed when he pulled the material up. Thick scars ran over his ridged muscles and Aesira had the fleeting thought to run her finger over them and ask him where they came from.
“Now,” he said, “I’ve learned the only one that’s going to save me is myself.” He slid his glasses back on. “I believe in the practical. I believe what I can see and hear”— his eyes slid to hers—“taste and touch.” His eyes dipped to her mouth briefly before darting away. “I believe in what’s reliable. What’s always been there to get meout of a bind.” He nodded over his shoulder, where Birdie and Bee slept curled around each other. “Them. Patch. They’re the only ones I pledge my loyalty to.”
Her throat burned as she swallowed back the memories from all the years of servitude and dedication. The punishments for saying her prayers wrong. The crack of a whip against her back. The piercing of sharp splinters under her nails for singing the wrong key at temple. The sting of a needle to her neck when she refused to obey.
All in the name of Celestria.
“That doesn’t mean miracles don’t exist,” Stone said. She snapped her gaze to his. “Astraexists and that’s a miracle on its own.” He gave her a smile and some of the frayed edges inside her began to soothe.
A crack sounded from beyond the torches, loud enough to make Aesira jump.
“Just the wind,” Stone said. He slid closer so their shoulders pressed together.
“What are you reading?”
He handed her the book, it was worn, the spine frayed and barely held together. “It’s my favorite. About an empress who defied her father to free her lover from his oppression."
She studied the book, like she could find something in the pages that would stop her from spiraling. “Stone Odega, a romantic?”
