“Where is your sister?” Her mother snapped her fingers before Hanna scurried over to pour more tea.
Kamari’s nails dug into the wooden arms of the chair. How had she not thought of a lie sooner? It was one thing to send a crew looking for Desmond, another to send her sister, especially without consulting the Order first.
“She’s at the wall.” Kamari cut a glance to Raffe who seemed more interested in another pastry. “I’m sure she’s busy with the recent attacks.” Her mother’s face distorted with unease.Good, Kamari thought.Make her uncomfortable enough to leave.
Kamari cradled her side as she sat in Desmond’s office, her mind circling on all the ways she could make her parents leave. She’d never wished for an attack on the wall before, but now she wouldn’t mind if a herd of bloodsuckers showed up.
One of Desmond’s journals sat open on the desk. Every page was marked. Half sentences, drawings, languages she couldn’t decipher. She flipped the page again and it was more of the same. Words written atop one another, leaving very little that were actually legible. Angry lines dug deep into the paper, black swirls drawn in the corners and menacing eyes that made her shudder.
In the weeks before Desmond left, he had grown more and more distant from her. A truth she hadn’t let herself accept until now. Maybe he was losing his mind. Maybe he was as mad as the council and Raffe said.
But it didn’t take away from the truth. That he was her husband and he loved her and she loved him. He was hers and he would never just leave her.
Except, he did.
She wiped her eyes and flipped to the back of the journal. The last page was dissimilar to the rest. It was written neatly, the penmanship consistent and steady.
It was a letter. A letter to Kamari. Like a rabbit scurrying from prey, her heart bounced in her chest. Her eyes shot to the date. Four months ago. She racked her brain. Four months ago she was visiting her family in Novaria. It was the first time she and Desmond had been apart since their wedding.
She took a deep breath, sent a silent prayer for strength to Celestria, and read the letter.
My sweet, Kamari~
I feel a bit ridiculous writing to you only days after you left and surely if you were here, you’d laugh at the pathetic state of me. I am a king and yet I am a fool. I should have come with you to Novaria. I couldn’t leave the Citadel,they would never let me andfor that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I’m not a stronger man for you. A better husband. I promise to try. I promise I’ll find a way.
Nevertheless, my love, I long for you in a way I’ve never felt.
So fiercely I’m beginning to scare myself.
Scared of the things I might do just to see you.
Touch you.
Taste you.
The clock is ticking and the sun is setting but time is not moving fast enough.
Never fast enough when we are apart.
How is it that I ever breathed, ever lived, without you by my side? It has not yet been a year of you and yet it feels like a lifetime.
I miss you. I love you.
Until I see you, I’ll dream ofyou.
Always,
Desmond
She read the letter three times. She studied the cadence of his lettering. Pictured him sitting at his desk in his study, beating himself up for not joining her. She was angry at the time. Disappointed that he chose not to travel with her to see her birthplace. See her parents and sister. It all seemed frivolous now. She knew Desmond had a difficult time leaving the Citadel, let alone Vargah. But still, she remembered the disappointment she felt as the ship flew north. The questioning glances her parents gave her when she arrived alone.
She reread the letter one last time.
“I couldn’t leave the Citadel, they would never let me…”The passage was crossed out with a thick black line and she couldn’t help but wonder, who?
Kamari’s fingers shook as she closed the journal. He’d written to her while she was away but never sent the letter. Maybe it was shame that held him back, maybe it was something outside of his control. Tears burned her cheeks, a vice around her heart tightening until the ache spread across her chest.
