What if I wished to come with you?
A question I’d asked out of panic. Desperation. And he denied me. My throat narrows and just when I decide to head back to the main room, the door swings open.
“Oh,” Jarek says. His tall frame takes up most of the space. His hair in a knot atop his head, a few blonde pieces hanging around his face. He adjusts his ivory tunic, which is much too small, showing off his sculpted arms. The bruising on his face has gone down with Tallulah’s help, but his lips are still split and purple. “What are you doing out here?”
I lean against the wall, crossing my arms. “Truth?”
“Truth.” Jarek mimicks my pose in the doorway.
“I was debating whether or not to come in.” Shrugging, I glance to the ground. The words are acidic as they leave my tongue. Blunt and to the point, but he asked for the truth and it’s about time I give it. He will go back to Scandavi to care for his people, and I will remain here to care for mine. Continuing to pretend our future doesn’t end in heartbreak is more painful than anything.
I glance at Jarek again just as his face crumples. He hardly looked shaken up after Sorin beat the shite out of him, but now, he looks as though I’ve shot him straight in the heart. My stomach sinks and before I can stop him, he takes a step forward and wraps his hands around my shoulders. “I told you we’d find a way, Sam. Me leaving doesn’t mean the end of my love for you.”
“I know that.” I pull out of his grip. “But loving me and being with me are two different things. We can love each other an ocean away but that doesn’t mean we’ll have a future, Jarek. What is that saying? If you love something let it go? You’re asking me to let you go, so please just let me.” It’s painful toswallow, but I force myself to as Jarek takes a step backward, giving just enough space between us for the air to run cold.
“If getting Sorin on the throne and Roman off of it does anything to help appease Mother Gaia and end the blight, the seas will be more calm. I can visit?—”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I say. Deflection and denial are more familiar to me than breathing, but when Jarek sighs and runs a hand down his face, my stomach swirls with guilt.
“I’m trying my best to live with my heart in two different places, Sam.” He bites his bottom lip then winces, likely remembering how bruised it still is. “Tell me the truth.”
“I already have.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “Tell me the truth, would you board a ship with me and leave the people of Loxley to fend for themselves? Leave Sorin to sit on a throne he may not be welcomed onto? Leave your mother?”
My stomach sinks again and I’m not sure my legs are strong enough to keep me upright. “No.” I clear my throat. “I would not board a ship. Not yet.”
He nods. “That’s my point, my queen. I’m not asking you to let me go, I’m asking you to seek your truth and accept it. No matter how difficult of a truth it is. You act as though I don’t have fears.” Jarek’s cheeks flush as he crosses his arms. “You expect me to live here as though my life there never was.”
I recoil back, the sharpness of his truth landing its blow. “I don’t expect that at all?—”
“I have thought of my sisters and Ma every day since the moment I was forced on that ship,” he says. “Have imagined every terrible thing that could possibly be happening to Scandavi, and in every moment of joy, I’ve chastised myself for it because I am living my life here without any knowledge of what’s happening to my country.”
“You speak of Scandavi as if it’s your personal responsibility.” I reach for his arm but he moves just slightly away.
A muscle feathers in his jaw, his brows pinched together. “Everything I love is my responsibility,” he says. “That includes Scandavi.” He steps closer, cupping my face in his hands. “That includes you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his chest. “I’ve been cold to you but it’s only because I’m scared.”
“I know.” His cheek rests on the top of my head.
“I just don’t know who I am without you anymore.” The admission churns my stomach. The very core of the truth I’ve been avoiding. The truth Jarek so desperately wants me to face. Because with him gone and Sorin in Valebridge, who will I be? I’ve spent my life looking after my adoptive brother. Making sure he stayed safe. Following his lead in Loxley and the trades. Then, I met Jarek and dove headfirst into his intoxicating love. I have never had a moment to just be Samaria. And the thought of being alone. Being justmeis debilitating.
“When the seas settle”—Jarek pulls me back—“when things have calmed in Valebridge and the people of Loxley have rebuilt, come be with me, my queen. Mother knows I’ll be waiting.”
I try to hide the tears by turning my head, but I’m not quick enough before his thumb drags gently across my cheeks.
“Jarek, Sam.” We both glance down the hall. Evren stands with his auburn hair tossed in a low bun, his dark trousers and shirt perfectly polished. “Thomas has someone in his custody. Found him at the southern end of the forest lurking around.”
“A hunter?” Jarek asks, taking my hand in his.
“Not sure.” Evren shrugs. Jarek and I meet him at the end of the hallway. “We have him held in the greenhouse, he doesn’t have a uniform, but after some questioning, he’s admitted to being a former guard.”
After a few twists and turns, we arrive at the greenhouse. Sorin and Elora are already there, looking in, their hands clasped together.
“Who is he?” Jarek asks.
Sorin turns but Elora doesn’t. His face is like stone, his brown eyes full of fire.
