The growing darkness is sprawled across our small room, and as I collapse onto the bed, the cry I held so tightly before breaks free.
The weight on the bed shifts and Jarek is there, his eyes trained on me.
“Hey.” I sit up, wiping my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “I didn’t know you’d be in here so soon.”
“You don’t have to hide,” he says, rolling to face me. “Sit with your tears, Sam.” I lay back down and roll onto my side so we’re face to face. He leans forward and kisses my wet cheeks but his body is rigid. His eyes finding focus just past me.
“Something ails you.” I trace a finger down the center of his nose. He closes his eyes, a sigh leaving his lips.
“After seeing everyone today, seeing how broken they are…” His eyes open, their piercing blue color bright even in the dim light. “I could only think of one thing. In each broken face, through each cry and wail, I could only see them. Cora and Helen and Ma.”
My heart freezes in time with my breathing.
“When this is all over, when it’s safe to finally cross the Holden Sea I have to go back, Sam. I have to go home.”
I worry my bottom lip, pressing my eyes shut so tightly little stars of white dance behind them. In the deepest corners of my mind, I knew this day would come. The day Jarek would travel home, back to his country.
Back to his family.
But leaving like this, when everything is so uncertain, I can’t imagine it.
“Say something.” His whispered words ghost my skin, leaving gooseflesh in their wake.
“What can I say?” I wipe a tear from my cheek.
Jarek’s brows pinch together. His hand finds mine, pulling me closer into him. “Your people need you here,” he whispers against my hair. A truth I’m desperately trying to avoid.
“It’s Sorin they need.” My defensive walls click into place, my body going stiff under his touch and words. I have never been the one that’s needed and the fight in my chest is ready to burst forth.
“No, Sam. Sorin will rule Teravie if all goes as planned, but the people of Loxley will look to you for guidance. They’ll need your strength to rebuild if that is what they choose.”
My body begins to tremble, so I slide away from him.
Jarek’s hands cup my face, scooting closer to me, closing the gap I just created. His forehead meets mine, and the part of me forged together by the two of us, snaps in half.
“Leaving without you by my side,” he whispers, “will change the rhythm of my heart, Sam. I think it’s forgotten how to beat on its own, without you. I won’t ask you to leave your people, not when they need you most.” The burning in my throat intensifies as Jarek looks me in the eye. “But I want to make it clear, this is the hardest decision I’ve ever made and it’s not one I take lightly.”
“Then don’t make this decision.”
Don’t leave me.
Pulling back, his hands slip from my face. “What would you do if you were me? If it were Agnes and Sorin?”
Anger ignites in my chest, blooming through my lungs and burning up my throat. Not at Jarek but atmyselffor not seeing sooner how he longs to be home. How could he not? He was stolen from his sisters and mother. Did I expect him to be complacent never knowing their fate? “I’ve been selfish for keeping you here.”
“You are anything but selfish, my queen.” He kisses my knuckles before sliding away from me. My head spins as he stands from the bed.
“What if I wanted to come with you? What if that was my choice?”
When he turns, his face tells me what we both already know. I could never leave the people of Loxley like this. Couldn’t fathom leaving Agnes in her current health or leaving Sorin to undertake all he’s about to on his own. The tightness in my throat eases against my will, making room for a sob to rise in its place.
Jarek returns to the bed and pulls me into him. “My love for you won’t cease just because there’s an ocean between us.” Hekisses my forehead, then my lips. “We’ll find a way, Sam.” He kisses me deeper, his hands gripping my back so tight, my lungs strain under the pressure. “I promise we’ll find a way.”
I claw at his shirt, guiding him back onto the bed. His lips find mine, his hands roaming my body. Piece by piece, our clothes shed. His rough hands glide up my legs and then between them. My back arches into his touch, but when I close my eyes, all I see is him leaving.
Boarding a ship and sailing an ocean away.
I break apart our kiss and roll onto my side before he can see the tears as they slip from my eyes. He doesn’t question why I’ve stopped. Instead, he lays next to me, so I bury myself into his chest. His breathing grows heavy, and only when I know he’s truly asleep, do I allow the rest of my tears to shed.
