My stomach swirls at the sight of him. I push past the revelers, my heart racing. He chats with someone I don’t recognize, sipping from a heavy glass chalice. As I get closer, my stomach dips again. He finally sees me.
His eyes, the eyes that steal each of my dreams at night, find mine, and I’m lost. Lost in hope. In joy. In love.
We’re coming with you.
I’ve rehearsed the words all year. Have repeated them over and over again until they no longer made sense. Words Ishould’ve said five years ago, but I was too afraid. Too uncertain of what the future held for Elora and myself.
Tonight an unwavering confidence fuels my every step. I’m ready to leave. To be a family. Ready to no longer fear repercussions should I leave Valebridge. His lips part, as I inch closer. I push my way past the final dancer before I’m directly before him.
“Elwyn,” he whispers.
I wish to cry. Not of sadness but of happiness, just by hearing his voice. I have missed him every day. Every second. And I know he’s missed me. I know he’s missed Elora. Excitement makes my voice come out much higher than usual, but I don’t care because tonight everything changes.
“We’re—”
“Darling?” a woman’s voice from behind me freezes the words on my tongue.
His eyes widen and replacing the admiration I saw only moments ago is fear. Shame?
“Darling, shall we dance?”
I don’t turn to look at her. I can’t.
He nods, looking past my shoulder and smiles. “Of course, just a moment, dear.”
My skin heats, hands shaking at my sides, and as much as I wish to run away, I am rooted in place. Anger and jealousy and all the things I have no right to feel swarm in my belly. Tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. This is what I asked for, isn’t it? I told him to go. I refused to leave with him. Did I expect him to wait forever?
The music speeds and the noises of the dancers behind me gets raucous.
I need to leave.
Quickly.
As he walks by me to join the woman on the dance floor, his hand grazes mine. “I’m sorry.”
Heat blooms with his touch and my body shivers. I don’t let him speak another word. I head for the farthest exit of the grand hall. Avoiding the dance floor at all costs.
He has chosen someone else. Has started a new life. And I am here. Stuck inside these walls with a child I’ll never see fully grow up.
After stopping and having a ridiculously long cry in the handmaid’s restroom, I find the courage to brave the hallway to my chambers. As I round the final corner, what I see before me stops me in my place.
It’s him. He’s at our door.
No. No, no, no.
I sprint down the hall, ready to shove him out of the way when he clicks the door shut himself.
I pull his arm away from the door. “What are you doing?”
“El.” He reaches for my hair, but I release my hold on his arm and slap his hand away.
“You need to leave.” His eyes turn down. I’ve hurt him. Not tonight, but all those years ago. But what choice did I have, then? He doesn’t know what I Saw. Doesn’t know the fate I must live with. I was trying tosavehim from it while keeping Elora safe at the same time.
“I wanted to see her,” he says, straightening himself. “Wanted to see you.”
My eyes burn, but I force them to look at his hand. I need to know what I fear is true. And there it is. On his left finger, a black ring confirms what I suspected, bringing a weakness to my knees and a brick of lead to my stomach.
“You really should go.” I turn my back, desperate to be out of this gown and done with this night, but a strong hand on my arm stops me.
