Even if Evren made promises to her, that didn’t suddenly mean the world would change. Outside of the greenhouse, through the woods that separated her from Davenport, was the ugly truth. King Roman still sought Enchantresses and there were plenty of other men willing and ready to take her in. The tea in her stomach sat like lead.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Evren placed his empty mug onto the stone floor. “Or would you rather me tell you what I’m thinking?”
She turned to face him, that damn smile she had witnessed so rarely over the last few weeks and those green eyes sweeping her away again.
“You first.” She bent down to place her mug on the floor as Evren just had.
He bit his bottom lip, as if contemplating where to start. What to say. She couldn’t blame his lack of words. She had nothing clear or concise to say either. Only that what she felt for him was…
“I don’t regret yesterday,” he finally said; he spoke so softly, like what he had to say hurt. She glanced at him again. “But I understand if you…have some reservations. But I meant what I said. About it being time to make some right decisions. Choices.”
“Evren—”
“Listen,” he said, his brows furrowing. “I’m tired of living my life for other people. Tired of hurting people. The moment I met you, I knew my life would change. Maybe it took me longer than I’d hoped to see which way it would change, but every part of me sees you and more than anything wants you to see me back. I choose you, Tallulah. I choose this.”
If it wasn’t for the massive panic rising in her, Tallulah may have noticed the other emotions begging to come forth. Joy and hope. But it was all drowned by the voice in her head. The voice of reason.
“Choosing me means going to war, Evren. We’re not equipped for that. I will be hunted the moment we leave this greenhouse and if the royal guard knew you aided me…” She bit her lip, guilt trickling in as it always did. “I would never ask you?—”
“You aren’t asking me,” he said a bit more firmly. His hand found hers, their fingers interlocking. “I’m choosing this.You. And I would do it over again. I’d go to war in every lifetime if it meant coming home to you at the end.”
His thumb swiped the back of her hand, sending a shiver across her body. Her hand squeezed his for the sake of making sure he was real. Thatthiswas real. But she couldn’t let him choose her, could she? It would be a risk to his life, and she wasn’t sure if she was willing to do that. But the way he looked at her now. With admiration. With longing. She couldn’t imagine any other outcome than the one where they left together.
“It’s not a good idea,” she finally said, ignoring the desperate feeling to climb on top of him here and now. To claim him again.
“What is it you’re so afraid of?” he asked, genuine worry transforming his features.
Tallulah scoffed, pulling her hand away.
“Have you had such a privileged life that you don’t know fear?” Her voice had risen, and she wasn’t sure if it was anger or frustration laced in her tone. The better question was whatwasn’tshe afraid of?
“Yes,” Evren said without a moment’s hesitation, rubbing his palms together. “I have lived a privileged life.” He glanced at her. Her brows relaxed as he spoke, his deep voice settling something inside of her.
“I’ve never had to fear walking down the street or into a tavern. Have never once had to question my safety simply because of who I am.” Her eyes welled with tears, but she didn’t look away. “I have lived a privileged life, Tallulah. I’ve been naïve to see the world so small. To only see what was right in front of me. To only believe what I was told and never question otherwise.”
He took her hand again, and she let him. The warmth of his touch was enough to let the tears she’d held back fall. Dropping quietly down her cheeks, she ignored the salty taste as they hit her lips.
“But now,” he continued, his fingers tightening around her hand. “Now, I seeyou. How beautiful you are. How kind and compassionate. I see the hate that’s been burning through Teravie. Wildfires of lies leaving a permanent scar upon our country and for what? Power?”
He shook his head, his cheeks reddening to match his hair.
“So, yes.” He looked at her again, his face softening as he did. “I have lived a privileged life, and I will continue to because our country is corrupt.”
He slid closer to her so that their legs touched. Her breath hitched.
“But I promise you,” he whispered. “I will do everything within my privilege to help you. To help others. It is the least I can do and I’m ashamed I haven’t seen the truth sooner. But I see it now. I see you.”
She let go of his hand and instead climbed onto his lap. Her legs straddled either side of him, her fingers lacing around the back of his neck.
“So, you choose me.” She tilted her head forward so her lips barely brushed his.
“Yes,” he said with the utmost surety.
“But we can’t stay here.”
Just this morning, she intended to tell him they should part ways, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Not after everything he’d said. Not after everything she’d felt yesterday. Felt now.
Evren brought his bottom lip through his teeth, his eyes fixing on her mouth for a moment. Running her fingers through his hair, heat blossomed in her abdomen.
