“The view?” she asked, breathless.
“The view is great, but no. The best part is the lack of men I’d have to kill for potentially seeing your beautiful naked body while I fuck you onourliving room floor,” I said as I laid her down on the rug right in front of the fireplace. I leaned over her, her legs still wrapped around my waist as I pushed myself deep inside her wet heat.
I groaned as I bottomed out, and she let out a little whimper. I knew she was sore, I knew she was tired, but I needed this. We needed this. I needed her to feel what I felt—that this was real, and this was the only way I could tell her—show her. My words were scaring her, part of me knew that, but I couldn’t stop. I had to tell her how I felt, and she couldn’t run. I wouldn’t let her.
I pulled out and quickly pressed back in, setting a rough pace. I knew I wouldn’t last long. Between how amazing she felt and all the emotions rumbling around in my head, I was already a goner for this girl. I reached between us, my thumb rubbing against her clit. “I want to feel you cum around my cock, angel. I want the people two towns over to hear you screaming my name. I want everyone to know who this cunt belongs to—whoyoubelong to. Can you do that for me, Aspen?”
She nodded quickly, her blue eyes staring up at me, filled with equal parts emotion and pleasure. I knew she felt this; there was no way she didn’t. As we both came together, she listened to me perfectly, making all of the best noises for me. But when it was all said and done, and I cleaned us both up in my shower and tucked us into bed, all I could think was that I pushed her too far, too fast. But I knew it didn’t matter because I wouldn’t lose her. Ever.
10
RUNNING AWAY
Aspen
Lying next to him,listening to his deep breathing, shouldn’t have been as soothing as it was. I shouldn’t want to lie here, basking in the afterglow with the man I just met, who didn’t do commitment, no matter what words came out of his mouth mid-sex. I wasn’t even sure what had come over me in his kitchen. I’d never doneanythinglike that before. I’d never put myself out there for any man to use and then enjoyed it the way I did.
I’d just seen his face, and I knew that look. He was scared—of what I wasn’t sure. But I’d hated seeing it on his face, so I just wanted to help his mind move away from whatever was troubling him.
I tried to swallow down the anxiety that I could feel rising in my chest, but it wasn’t working. I quietly rolled out from under his arm, grabbed my phone, and slipped out of Rowan’s room, creeping down the steps and stopping in the living room. I knew what was coming—the feeling of running. The need to just disappear before feelings became too much. I couldn’t putmyself back here again. I walked around and grabbed my clothes that had been tossed to the floor mere hours ago, though my underwear was missing.
Once I was dressed, I quietly dialed the only person I had in my life. It was just after two in the morning, but I knew she’d be awake. She answered after two rings.
“Hello, beautiful. Shouldn’t you be getting dicked down right now?” I smiled sadly at how chipper she sounded.
“Uhm, yeah, can you come pick me up?” I asked, trying to keep my voice quiet so I didn’t wake him.
“Is everything okay, Aspen?” I could hear her moving around. I could picture her sliding into a pair of leggings and slippers, grabbing her hoodie and keys.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah, it’s fine. I just…I can’t do this right now, you know? It’s…” My voice trailed off, and I wiped my eyes quickly before the moisture could fall down my cheeks.
“It’s okay, honey. I’ll be there in fifteen. I already have the GPS going to your location. I’ll see you soon,” she quickly said.
“See you soon.” I hung up and pulled up the tracking app we used to stalk each other like crazy people and watched her get closer and closer to me. Part of me felt so stupid right now, running away after the mind-blowing sex we’d had a few hours ago. But I thought back to everything he’d said, and I just…he told me I could set the pace. We could take this day by day. Well, it was two in the morning, so it was a new day. Today I needed space. I needed to think and sort out my thoughts, preferably away from his handsome face, stunning blue eyes, and muscles for days.
Ivy pulled up a few minutes later when I was already way too deep into my inner turmoil. I grabbed a hoodie Rowan had lying across the back of the couch and ran out to her car. She tried to talk to me about it on the way home, but I just shook my head and asked her to take me to her apartment.
So she did. I ran away from my problems, just like I’d always done, and thanked all the gods above that I had Ivy, because no one else would want to deal with my broken pieces the way she did.
It had beentwo days since I’d run out of Rowan’s house like the coward that I was. He’d texted me twice—once to ensure I made it home okay, which I told him I did. Then again, to tell me he wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d give me a few days to think if that was what I needed.
Part of me wanted to be happy that he was giving me the space I clearly asked for and needed to sort my shit out. The other part was worried he’d bail out on me. Which was insane to worry about. We’d had one sort of real date and great sex a few times. It wasn’t like it was anything major or concrete.
Did I picture myself painting in his living room and storing my clothes in his closet? Had I already sketched out multiple pieces of art for his very bare home? Had I brought up his contact information three hundred times to reach out? All of the above, yes. But I wasn’t acting on any of it. I needed space. I couldn’t fall head over heels for the first man who showed me any interest since Sam. And what did I expect? That he’d just suddenly be interested in a commitment? Twenty-six years of life, and I’m sureI’dbe the one to change him.
I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous concept that was.
“Earth to Aspen,” Lucas said as he waved his hand in front of my face. I blinked a few times, realizing I’d spaced out.
“Sorry—I’m sorry, Lucas. What was that?” I muttered quickly.
I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was slightly concerned, but I was trying to move on. It was Tuesday night, so the bar was slow as molasses, and my brain was feeling just as slow. I hated to admit it to myself, but the last two nights I’d slept like shit. Between trying to force myself to avoid Rowan and a few more unknown calls that I’d gotten, my anxiety was at a high, and my sleep was at a low.
“I was just saying that it’s pretty slow if you want to head home early, Aspen. Your last table is ready for their check, and then you’re free to head out. That is, if you want to.” His tone was gentle and just enforced that I hadn’t been myself tonight. It would probably explain why my tips had been shit too.
I let out a breath. “Yeah, that’s fine. I appreciate it, Lucas.”
I walked off to give my last table their check and wrung them out before he could reply. I didn’t want pity or sad looks. I didn’t need them. I’d go home and paint, maybe watch a movie with some popcorn, and text Ivy. Something.
