“I did this for all of us. Isaac needs new shoes. He can’t keep wearing Faulkner’s hand-me-downs.”
“You did what?”
The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
Jenna’s tear-streaked makeup makes her look crazy enough that I pause for a moment then soldier on.
“You see, Cupcake? I’m always three steps ahead of you. That’s why I’m me and you’re still pandering to your stalker exes.”
“Stop calling me ‘Cupcake.’”
“Sounds less derogatory than ‘doughnut hole.’”
The smirk I flash her lets her know I know exactly how that could be interpreted.
That smirk disappears when she hauls back and beams that oversized mug, complete with all its noisy accessories, right at my head.
“Hey! Call the police. That’s assault.”
“No,thisis assault.”
I grunt as Crawford’s fist connects with my ribs.
“Fuck.” I collapse on the floor. Truman jumps down to lick my face.
“Get off,” I wheeze. “Jenna, your dog.”
“Yeah, dogs do seem to have a taste for human shit.” She scowls.
My brothers snicker.
Crawford leans over the table to address Jenna. “Ignore him. His mother didn't wait long enough between pregnancies. He was cooked in the womb wrong. Straight-up incompetence turducken. He's her fourth, so his brain didn't get enough nutrients.”
“He seems pretty healthy to me.” Her lips thin, and her nostrils flare.
“Don’t waste your time on him. He’s basically still a virgin.”
“No, I’m not!” I shout.
Faulkner is snickering.
“Us blue-collar guys appreciate girls like you. I like a woman who knows the value of real work.” Crawford winks. “And I’m good with my hands.”
Jenna is blushing when I haul myself into my chair.
“Crawford, fuck off. Jenna, you need to read those books I bought you. Don’t date military, cops, or paramedics.”
“I’m actually already taken.” Jenna holds up her hand.
Crawford’s smile is smoldering and predatory. I know how women just melt for him.
“Someone’s jealous!” Fitz says in a singsong.
“Why should I even care that he wants Jenna, who snorts cupcake sprinkles? She’s not the kind of girl I’d date.”
“Then maybe I’ll take her from you.”
“The fuck you will.”
