And the fantasy that had been building itself in my brain died at the look on Aimee’s face. It was like all the alcohol had been purged from her system as sobriety hit her. Tears welled in her eyes and fuck this Annalise chick for telling her like that.
“Aimee —” I started.
“You knew?” her voice wobbled.
I swallowed the rock that seemed to lodge itself in my throat. I nodded. “I was going to tell you earlier today.”
It wasn’t truly a lie. I’d thought about it—telling her after we’d watched the video, after her confession. Then Chase had called, then our almost-kiss, then Eloise and Zara…
Tears slipped down Aimee’s cheeks, and I watched Annalise’s face as it dawned on her what she just did. Good. She should feel like shit. I wasn’t normally in the market for bad mouthing women, but this feels deserved.
“Shit. Aimee, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. This is why I don’t drink. My mouth and brain disconnect, and I always say stuff I don’t mean to.”
Annalise was wrapped around Aimee, hugging her tightly, but Aimee seemed shocked. My heart beat hard in my chest, anxiety at how she was going to react worrying me. Tears slipped down her cheeks, and I stopped myself from reaching over towipe them away. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to the news of me knowing about Asher. I didn’t know if she wanted to be touched.
“I’m so fucking tired of crying,” she said, her voice cracking.
“I’ve known since the day of the accident,” I said.
Her shoulders slumped, and she let out a watery sigh.
“I was trying to find Zara, she’d run off, and I saw him with Brittney in one of the side utility halls.”
Her eyes closed, more tears leaking out of their corners. The fire crackled and popped into the fireplace, the only sound filling the terrible silence.
“I couldn’t find him. Then, I ran into you…and then he came back smelling like citrus and something floral.”
I nodded. “Zara ran past you right after I’d caught them, and Brittney told me I couldn’t tell anyone. And then, I saw you.”
CHAPTER 19
aimee
Bone deep exhaustionbrought on by the alcohol, and the never ending roller coaster of emotions made every part of me feel heavy.
I wasn’t even mad at Lukas. If he’d told me before the performance that day, I wouldn’t have believed him, not really. It would have messed with my head, and I was already feeling weird about Asher, and what happened on the ice could have been worse? Different? A different kind of tragedy? Or we could have skated perfectly and gone to the Olympics. I squeezed Annalise’s arm before I shrugged out of her hug.
The point was, it didn’t matter.
“When…” his voice caught. “When I saw you after…I thought about telling you. But then, I was afraid that it would put you in the wrong headspace, and I know how dangerous that can be in sports.”
I nodded.
Hewouldknow about the detriments of not being in the right state of mind before a competition. Asher and I performed with knives on our feet, so we had to be able to trust each other. And if some random stranger had come up to me, telling me my partner was cheating…I was already feeling insecure andconfused. I would have tried to stay focused, stay in the moment, but it would be in the back of my mind.
I sucked in a deep breath, and wiped the tears off my face. I opened my eyes and stared at Lukas.
He looked upset, and I found myself wanting to comfort him. It was kind of strange. I wasn’t sure if I was just numb, or if I truly was done mourning what Asher and I had. Like the final nail in the coffin of who we were, was Brittney outing their entanglement in that interview. I wasn’t angry. Sure, there was a bit of hurt, but anger? I couldn’t find it in me to be angry at Asher.
I stared at Lukas.
I was starting to wonder if he was the reason.
If what I felt…was starting to feel for him lessened the pain.
His presence had quieted the ghosts the first time I saw him, even when he was bumbling about. So I stopped thinking, and I moved forward, wrapping my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. I inhaled deeply, and the tension eased from my body as I inhaled his spicy cinnamon scent.
I felt his arms wrap around me and decided that I wanted to choose whatever this was between us.
