“Well, shit. I’m a terrible friend. Want me to go grab him and let you finish?”
I laughed and then sighed. Moving over on the sofa, I collapsed into it and stared at the flames dancing in the fireplace. As much as I wanted that, I needed to just talk with my best friend.
“Lukas showed me the video. He showed me what happened.”
“He did?” Her voice was small, uncertain.
“I wish I’d let you all show me a long time ago. I think it would have saved me a lot of heartache.”
Eloise reached over and took my hand in hers.
“I think…I think that even if we had, you wouldn’t have been ready to acknowledge it. But we should have tried again. Everyone was just worried…you were so lost for a long time.”
I looked at my best friend, seeing the tears glistening in her eyes. I squeezed her hand tightly in mine, turning to look at the fire flickering in front of us.
“I’ll probably never not feel guilty, but seeing that video…” I paused. “I haven’t looked at a picture of him in so long,” I choked out. “I thought I was starting to forget what he looked like.”
Using my free hand, I wiped at my own tears that had started to fall. Eloise scooted closer, her body pressed against my side, her free hand coming to wrap around our joined hands. The fire crackled and popped in front of us, its warmth a cocoon of comfort. She rested the side of her head on my shoulder.
“I miss him, too,” she said.
“I’m sorry I was such a mess after the accident. He was your friend too…and I just…”
Eloise sat up. “Look at me Aimee.”
I let my head roll to the side to meet her gaze.
“Asher was my friend, and you’re my friend. While it’s weird that he’s not around anymore, I’ve made my peace with what happened that day. Plus, you didn’t need to see my grief over what happened, while you were dealing with your own.”
More tears spilled from my eyes, and I wiped at them furiously.
“I’m so tired of crying,” I said, my words coming out in a sad laugh.
“I doubt you'll ever stop crying over him, grief is a pain that way.”
She settled back against my side, her head on my shoulder again. We sat there in silence for a few moments. I watched her in my periphery mess with her phone. I had a suspicion I knew what she was doing.
“So, the moment you kiss Lukas, you better fucking tell me,” she said.
I groaned. “You are not privy to every aspect of my life.”
“Bullshit. As your best friend, I get to live vicariously through you. He looks like he’s an amazing kisser, so inquiring mindswould like to know. I know I already said it, but that scene I walked in on…” She fanned herself, and I giggled.
“Yeah, remind me to get you back for that.”
“I’msorry,” she said.
“So am I. I wanted him to kiss me so badly,” I sighed.
Eloise jabbed a finger into my side, and I grunted. “What was that for?” I asked.
“I’m just so happy and proud of you. I know there’s not really been anyone since Asher, so this is a big deal, but I’m trying to not make it be a big deal, but I’m just so happy to see you happy. And I know Lukas was…well, weird…in the beginning, but I really don’t think that had anything to actually do with you. And the lengths he went to…”
“He was on the slopes earlier today, and I was in the middle of a panic attack and he just showed up and helped me calm down and then the video happened, and then the almost kiss. He just showed up.”
“He likes you,” she sang.
“And you know what the crazy part is—I don’t feel guilty. Before there was always this guilt that I was somehow betraying Asher—that I wasn’t allowed to be happy because of that happened. The feeling had already started to go away every time I faced off with Lukas, but when he almost kissed me after he sat with me and helped me through the video…”
