“Sorry,” my voice soft.
“No. No! Don’t be! I-I agree. I thought that maybe it might have been my fault —”
I cut her off. “No. It’s their job to teach and train, and if their student struggles, it’s on them. A good coach will coach you through the tough moments, and if traditional methods don’t work, then they work with you to find a new way.”
A blush rose to her cheeks. “You really think that?”
“I know that,” I said. “Brennan spent months with me perfecting my double axel, and then my triple. He spent countless hours making sure I was the best and I was performingsafely. He never once gave up on me because I didn’t land a jump on the first or second try.”
“You’re lucky to have him,” she said.
“Oh…he’s…he’s not my coach anymore. I gave…up skating,” I looked past her, not meeting her gaze.
“Does it hurt to not skate anymore? Because there are days where I feel like I could give it up.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
When I opened them, I met her gaze. The sun had started to drop lower in the sky, evening was falling quickly and twinkling string lights were lighting up the trees all around us. Words that were truer than a lot I’d spoken in the last two and a half years fell from my lips.
“It hurts every day. So much. A part of me died.”
And then there were arms around me, hugging me, and I didn’t know what to do. This girl, who I didn’t know—who didn’t know me—was comforting me. Somehow her hug didn’t bring the tears to my eyes like I’d expected the admission to.
“I’m glad to have met you,” she said as she pulled away. “I’m Zara.”
The panic didn’t come when the knowledge that she knew who I was settled over me.
“I can’t imagine what you went through that day. You inspired me to pick up skating, the way you looked out there, gliding across the ice. I’d never seen anything like it in my life, and I knew that I wanted to feel whatever you felt when you laced up. I get why you don’t skate anymore, but if you ever do…I’ll be here.” She squeezed my hand.
I looked at this young girl in front of me—cute, small, and just so earnest. I found myself pushing past the pain and giving her a small smile. I felt this little flutter of something warm in my chest and I took a deep breath before backing up.
“Okay, show me what you learned, and I’ll see if I can help.”
“Really? I mean, you don’t have to…” Zara said, not wanting to sound too eager.
I could see it in her face that she was thrilled, and I made a mental note to text Brennan and asked if he knew any coaches looking for a student.
I watched as Zara skated around, building up speed, and I noticed her problem immediately. Her center of gravity was off, and her skates weren’t angled properly to get the height and rotations needed to successfully pull off the double axel.
I waved her over, and surprised myself by finding that I was enjoying myself. I walked her through the motion, and mimicked the jump sans skates and speed.
“The way you leave the ice is going to determine how far you jump and the number of spins you’ll get. You have to time it completely right. And you’re probably going to miss it more than once, and you’ll probably hit the ice covered in bruises. But youhaveto get back up and keep going. Because once you get it, that first time you perfectly land a double…you’ll get it,” I said, remembering my first time.
It was late,practice had ended and I knew my parents were waiting, but I had to get this jump. I knew if I stopped now, I’d be back at square one. Brennan was standing off to the side, leaning against the side board, and Asher was right next to him. I knew my parents were standing somewhere near them, watching me as the frigid air in the rink sucked the heat from their bodies, but I couldn’t stop.
I could taste the double axel, and the bruises that undoubtedly covered my elbows, knees, hips, and butt were not going to be reminders of not finally getting this jump. I camearound the curve of the rink again, picked up speed and dug my skate in, using my momentum to force me up and forward. I tucked my arms in, and let the turns take me, and as I felt my crescendo start to falter, I loosened my body, and prepared to land. My skate hit the ice hard, I bent my knee to absorb the impact, and skated away smoothly.
Yells and cheers erupted and everything just kind of got drowned out by the knowledge that I’d just landed the double axel that had been the bane of my existence for weeks. A body all but slammed into me, and arms came around me, as tears just started falling. All the emotions, tension, and frustration just broke inside of me. Asher was hugging me so tightly, and I was pretty sure he was congratulating me, but everything was still muffled by the realization I’d finally done it.
At some point I’d wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back as fiercely. I laughed and the sound came back with glaring clarity, and Brennan was telling us to get off the ice, that today’s lesson was finally over. I unwrapped my arms from around Asher and wiped at my cheeks, getting rid of the tears.
“You did it Aimes!” He grabbed the sides of my face with his hands. He had a big goofy grin on his face.
I just stared at him through the happy tears, a goofy grin splitting my face as well, and I marveled at how I got so darn lucky to have him as a partner.
I blinked backinto the moment and Zara was staring at me, anticipation on her face. And for the first time in two and a half years, the idea of maybe getting back on the ice—well, it wasn’t so scary.
CHAPTER 6
