“Yeah. When she nearly drowned, we had to resuscitate her. I think at that moment I knew that I didn’t want to waste time anymore, that I didn’t want her pining over Ryan anymore. But I think I fell in love with her the summer we actually spent together. Before…before it was just this slap in the face realization that I had just nearly lost her, and that the feelings I kept trying to deny as false or fake or whatever…the way my heart stopped when I saw her go under and not resurface…”
I heard him draw in a shaky breath. We’d both still been in school together. He’d come back from vacation looking haunted and like his whole world had flipped. I’d heard about Rowan, his childhood archnemesis—her words, not his. Chase had a whole new point of view on the whole thing and had declared that Rowan would be his. His friendship with Ryan—the third member of our group had already started dissolving in light of how he treated Rowan.
I still had yet to meet her in person, but I felt like I knew her. Chase honestly never shut up about her.
“Anyways, if this is about Aimee, then you need to tell her how you feel. You both need to sit down and really talk.”
“She and her family left this morning.”
I told him everything that had been told to me.
“Wait, Orion Bryant is her brother?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“Dude, I know that guy. He was in a few of my classes my freshman and sophomore years. He’s pretty cool. I do remember his girlfriend being really hot. Kind of weird how we all went to the same college.”
“Not helpful,” I said.
“Do Ireallyneed to tell you to go after her?” Chase asked, incredulous, “Once you’re up and moving around, theonlything you need to do is to drive your ass to wherever she is and talk. Make up, have hot sex.”
“Can I really just show up?”
Then I told him about the last day we had together, her panic attack, my fears, everything we said. I glossed over the sex part, but Chase wasn’t stupid.
“Apparently, I do have to tell you.” He sighed, took a breath. “Fucking go to her and never let her go.”
CHAPTER 44
aimee
I’ve been homefor a month now.
I was trying to not count the days. But being back home…it was hard not to. Not to count the moments that had passed, that had been lost. I stared at the ticking clock on the wall. I picked at the skin on my thumb—an anxious habit I was trying to stop.
Lukas’ accident…I squeezed my eyes shut and focused on my breathing.
Dr. Alicia Fairfield sat across from me, waiting patiently for me to talk. Since his accident everything was…fresh again. In a lot of ways it felt like I was starting over, point zero, the first steps—and I hated it. I breathed through the press of tears behind my eyes, the lump in my throat.
“Aimee, no one is saying you have to go and do this. This is entirely up to you,” she said, voice gentle and calm.
In light of everything, it had dawned on me that the last time I’d seen Asher’s parents was the funeral. On top of everything else I’d been feeling, the realization caused panic to bloom tight in my chest. I’d made myself physically sick over it. It had taken many sessions and my therapist had finally been able to get me to admit what was bothering me.
“Even a few months ago, you wouldn’t have given the idea a single thought,” she said.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat, while I switched from my thumb, to spinning the ring around my middle finger.
“You were close with them.”
I nodded, I still had my eyes shut, still trying to breathe through it all.
Dr. Fairfield was much better than the first therapist I’d been seeing—the one that in retrospect wasn’t very good at her job. She didn’t complain if we sat in silence, or if she was the only one to talk, or if everything I’d been feeling for months now just poured out of my mouth in an endless stream.
She made it clear on the first day—months ago—that she was here to be whatever I needed, for however long I needed. She would help teach me the tools to manage all the things constantly racing around in my head—how to spot the bad thoughts and redirect before I spiraled.
I didn’t love coming to these appointments, but I now didn’t dread them either.
She was a big advocate for positive affirmations due to the online bullying and the impacts that it had on my self-esteem, self-guilt and self-blame—reframing that it was not my fault.
