“I miss you.” I swallow, trying to keep the thoughts straight in my head. “I’d been living this weird, isolated existence in my mom’s office. And I felt so terrible about my life that I was desperate for this magic bullet way to get out of my situation.”
He nods. Still cautious.
“I don’t blame you. I told you to go,” he says.
“I’m glad I left. But not because of the job. I ended up taking a class while I was there. And it was actually amazing and I started drawing again and I realized I have so many things to say that I was holding inside.”
“That sounds like a great realization.”
I take another breath. “Maybe over the last few years I just…romanticized the idea of this prestigious career. I wasn’t interested in any other options. Any other path. Any other facet of my life that could be important. Maybe a job shouldn’t be the thing you live for. Does that make sense?”
“I manage a Chili’s.” I think it’s a laugh line but neither of us reacts that way.
“I could keep chasing this one, elusive career path and force the rest of my life to revolve around that. Or I could build a life where people I love are at the center.”
He takes a step closer, giving me this intense look, and we’re almost close enough to touch.
“I still have hot pink feelings.” I look him directly in the eye. “And I don’t think living in a different state is going to make them fade. Actually I know it’s not. Because moving away just made them…more saturated. Technicolor. The way I feel when I’m with you…it’s like I’m finally warm inside. I’m so comfortable with you that I can be myself. I’m not afraid that you’ll see through me and find something gross inside. I can just give you everything because I know—Iknow—you’ll give it back. I’ve never had faith in someone like that. And that has to mean something.”
“The unseen,” Nick says.
“What?”
“When you were explaining comics to me—what’s magic about them—you said that there are moments that happen that aren’t drawn on the page. You have to imagine everything that happens in between the panels.”
“See, that’s my problem,” I say. “I was filling in those big gaps in my own head without even realizing it. I wasn’t seeing what was right in front of me. It’s a balance between all the visible evidence and the things you can’t see, but you justknow.And that’s really hard for an overthinker. But I see how you are with Kira and Iknowwhat kind of a person you are. You’ll do anything for her. You tell her you’re proud of her. You’re always there, always putting her first. That’s my evidence. Because I know what it’s like not to feel that sense of security in a parent. And the fact that you give that to her says everything. That’s why I have faith that you’ll always be there for me, too. You having a kid is a feature, not a bug.”
“That doesn’t mean there’s no room for anything else in my life,” he says. “There’s a lot of room. There’s a whole side of my bed that’s empty.”
“I have a queen-size bed now, too.”
“Thank God.”
“But I don’t have everything figured out,” I say. “I need to get a job. I’ll probably need to bartend and do a bunch of other things. But I know for sure that I want to keep drawing. Even if it’s just a thing I do for me.”
“Speaking of figuring things out…we’re talking with a lawyer,” Nick says. “Working out how to divide the assets. Hopefully we’ll go before the judge in a couple months.”
“Wow.”
“It was a blind spot for me,” he says. “Part of the coma. But it’s important for Nora, too. We’ve had some good conversations about both of us moving on. And I don’t think that would’ve happened if not for you.”
“Not that I’m the best at letting things go,” I say. “But I’m trying.”
Nick stares into my eyes. “One of the hardest things in life is figuring out what to let go and what to hold on to.”
“I want to hold on to you.” My right hand impulsively grabs at the front of his hoodie. “I’m sure of that.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He puts his hand over mine, squeezing it. “I don’t want you to feel trapped here.”
“I trapped myself in my mom’s office. And a lot of it was my own doing. At least now I’m in Romily’s second bedroom. And I have a regular, adult bed. And I drove here. You told me I needed my license in case of an emergency and you were right.”
“Wait, you’re driving?”
“Yes, but you might want to wait a while before letting Kira in the car with me,” I say.
“That’s probably for the best, because she’s discovered K-pop and that’s all she’ll listen to in the car. She learns the choreography and everything. Dragons are very uncool now.”
I run my fingers along the hoodie, the pilling sweatshirtfleece and cracking screen print over his heart. “Do ten-year-olds consider it uncool to kiss?”
