“I wish you’d told me before I left. I could have found medicine before it got too bad.”
She stands and turns to look at me. Her morning hair, illuminated by the window behind her, is a sight I know would always make me smile.
“If I had, you wouldn’t have ended up in here. Do you really wish that?”
I sit up, leaning against the headboard. “If it would have spared you any of your misery, yes, of course.” Then I sigh. “And, also, it was a lot of work for me. I’ve never been a nurse before.”
“You poor thing.” She walks around the bed and sits on it by my knee.
I sigh again and shrug like I’m really put out but trying to act like it’s no big deal. “I wouldn’t say that you owe me, but if you felt you did, I would understand that.”
Ivy suppresses a smile. “You know, I really do feel that way. And it just so happens that I have the perfect way to pay you back.”
“Do you?” I’ll take it. I don’t care what it is.
“I seem to remember ...” She rises and approaches to sitcloser, then glides her hands excruciatingly slowly from my jaw to my neck and hair. “Your lips on me here.” She slowly kisses my forehead. “And here.” Her fingertips caress my neck as she kisses my cheek, then she stands, taking her hands from my neck and sitting them on my shoulders. “And here.” Ivy kisses the top of my head.
I cannot help the earsplitting smile on my face as she straightens. I don’t know what has got into her this morning but sign me up. “Are you sure that was it? I think my lips might have touched your lips.”
“I’m sure they didn’t.”
“You were pretty out of it.”
“I wasn’tthatout of it. Something tells me the feel of your lips on mine would be far too memorable.”
And there was our problem. Or hers. I could live with only the memory. If I had to.
32
Ivy
WhatdidIjustdo? I close the door to my room behind Alex and press my back against it.
I’m not a seductress. I know Alex wants more with me, and I’m the one pushing against it. And then I go and do that. It wasn’t fair to him. And it’s screwing me up too.
“Ahh!” I push off the door and step to where my things sit on the chair by the window.
He held me and massaged me, kissed me, and called me darling for what felt like hours last night, and I woke up as content as I’ve ever felt. Lying there in his arms had felt so secure and wonderful. And, instead of panicking, I swung the entire other direction and told him I never wanted to leave, then seduced him.
Kind of seduced him. But still. I need to apologize. And make sure to remind him it’s pretend. It’s getting more and more difficult for evenmeto remember.
Why is it I can’t give in?
Different worlds, and all that entails. Someone would compromise and be sad about it. I don’t want that for myself, and I don’t want it for him either.
There. I’m reminded. For now.
I ready myself for the day, gather my things, and head down to meet Alex at the restaurant.
As I come down the stairs, I see Alex waiting for me by the door to the restaurant. I cannot believe how beautiful he is. It’s almost like he doesn’t belong to this world. Even in his cheap store clothing, he looks like a million bucks.
Meanwhile, my clothes look like I closed my eyes and chose them at random. There wasn’t a fitting room, so we each bought several items, hoping for the best. The blue-gray sundress I’m wearing is the best I ended up with, and it makes my boobs look weird.
Alex has his glasses off, cleaning them on his shirt, when I step up beside him and poke him in the ribs. He turns and smiles like I hadn’t just given him the most childish hello to ever exist.
“Good morning, darling.” He kisses my cheek. “Again.”
My apology over breakfast went as well as you would suppose. Ultimately, it ended with him saying he would let me know if ever I did anything that went too far. Do I trust that? Definitely not.
