“Yes, I think a pretend relationship would have lots of these encounters. And similar,” I say, and her eyes shoot back to me. I wonder if she is thinking about kissing, like I am. I run my thumb up and down her upper arm. “What do you think?”
She swallows. “I think it would be awfully hard to remember it was fake. I don’t want to get attached and go home with a broken heart.”
“We’d have to remind each other.”
“You think that will work?”
“I think if it’s not, we can reevaluate what we’re doing. We can check in with each other.”
She stares at me in thought.
“I’ll buy you all the fish and chips you want.”
This makes her grin. “You drive a hard bargain.”
She looks down at her lap and the remnants of Cornish pasty sitting there. “You’re going to spoil me, aren’t you?”
“Oh, absolutely. My pretend girlfriend deserves everything.”
“Hang on. Is this what you did with Grey Blankenship?”
“That was totally different. Fake just isn’t real. Pretend is more.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Okay, maybe it’s technically the same. But it isn’t. I promise.” I remove my hand from hers and trail the backs of my fingers down her cheek. “I didn’t mean it with Grey.”
“I know you meant that to be reassuring, but that’s what Iworry about. We can’t mean it too much.”
She’s right, and I get it, but just sitting with her these past minutes has shown me that it would never be pretend for me. I’d come into this hopeful that she would change her mind at the end, but thinking I could move on without heartache if she didn’t. I was wrong, but I’m going for it anyway. Just the chance she will change her mind is worth the risk.
“I’ll remind you and we won’t let it get too real.”
She leans into my hand, which had turned to cup her cheek. Her voice is soft and threatens to give me chills. “I’ll pretend with you, Alex.”
Now here’s hoping I can show her what it would be like to be loved by me and that she deems it worth it.
20
Ivy
Ithinkhemayhave hypnotized me. He looked at me like he was either trying to stare into my soul or take control of my mind and force my mouth to form the word yes. He didn’t though. There was no force. Only an earnest request delivered with such hope in his eyes that my only option was to agree.
“Can I take you to lunch?” Alex asks, a look of disbelief on his face, like he’s still afraid I’ll say no. Or he can’t believe I agreed to his ridiculous idea.
It would be a lie to say I'm not worried. His display of affection almost left me once again ready to have eight black-haired, half-English babies. I’ve got to put in some kind of protection, or I won’t stand a chance.
“Hang on. I think there needs to be some kind of rules. Forour protection.” He sits back a bit, loosening his grip on my shoulders, but not letting go of my hand.
“Ok. Name them.”
“We can’t be touching like this too often. I know actual dating would involve this sort of stuff often, but I think there is a fine line over into confusion. I think keeping touches to a minimum would help us stay on the right side of the line.”
I don’t miss the hint of disappointment on his face. “That makes sense. Okay.”
“And no kissing.”
“Hmm … can we come back to that?”
