“Sex dungeon?” I teased, listening to the tha-dump of his heart.
He vibrated with laughter under me. “Pace yourself. No, there is something I want to show you, but I don’t want to tell you and get your hopes up if it doesn’t work.”
“You’re not making a lot of sense right now. Guess, I blew your mind in addition to blowing your cock,” I said. I never imagined slinging zingers with someone could be so wonderful.
He sighed dramatically, but I knew he was amused. “In any case, next day off, you’re tagging along with me.”
“Fine,” I said and closed my eyes.
What a perfect way to fall asleep. I could see myself doing this in the future, maybe for the rest of my life.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
SEAN
The bus ride to the Lake View neighborhood was quiet. I bumped my head against the window and watched the world pass by in a blur. Matteo was next to me, gently bobbing his head as he listened to a CD. He’d been working his way through my collection and seemed to have developed an appreciation for 90’s alternative music.
I tried not looking at him because every time I did, intrusive thoughts and images of what our life together could be like invaded my mind. It was far too easy to picture us sharing dinner and watching a movie before I went to work. And when I came home, he was naked in my bed, waiting for me. On my days off maybe we wasted a few hours in the library or took a walk along the shore of Lake Michigan. He’d play piano for me, the hours slipping by as I got to spend some time in Nirvana with him.
What bothered me the most, was just how quickly and easily I’d broken my promise. But sex with him didn’t feel casual and it was messing with my mind.
I nudged him and he looked at me with those big beautiful brown eyes, fringed with sooty lashes that absolutely stole my breath away. I could remember a time not so long ago when he’d peered at me with contempt, now all I saw was–well, I wasn’t sure I had a name for the way he was looking at me. Now that things had progressed, he appeared so much more alive. Everything about him was fascinating to me.
“Our stop is coming up,” I said.
He pushed his headphone down around his neck and nodded. I pulled the bell, and we exited the bus.
The afternoon was bright, cloudless, and freezing, the wind nipping at my exposed earlobes and nose. I’d almost decided to stay in, but I really wanted Matteo to see my surprise. He pushed his arm between my body and wrapped it around my elbow, his teeth chattering. I liked that he touched me easily, without thinking twice as if it was a natural inclination.
Our destination was the LGBTQ center a block over where I volunteered, mostly talking to kids about safe sex and drugs. The center used to be an old-fashioned theater. The marquee was painted the colors of the rainbow and outfitted with positive sayings. When he saw it, his expression lit up and I hated that he’d been sheltered from the amazing things in this world.
“Are we seeing a movie or something?” he inquired.
“No, this is the LGBTQ Center of Lake View. It used to be an old theater, obviously. I’d started volunteering several years ago for a few reasons. One, I wanted to give back and pay it forward. Two, after a fifteen-year-old boy was found in a club, dead from an overdose, I knew something needed to change. While I suggest abstinence, I know that isn’t realistic. A lot of kids that hang out here come from broken homes and have more problems than just being bullied and rejected because they are gay or trans, or different. They’re going to do drugs no matter what I or anyone else says. It’s the nature of teenagers. So, I started preaching drug safety. Things like how to spot bad batches, or what to do if someone is overdosing. If I manage to save one kid, it’s all worth it.”
He looked at me for a long moment and I had no idea what he was thinking. “You take your Buddhist doctrine seriously, huh?”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I just like being a good person. Anyway, let’s get inside before our nuts freeze off.”
It was usually quiet this early, the kids that sought shelter during the night out doing what they did, and the volunteers and workers in their offices on the second floor. I led Matteo toward the back, but he was distracted by the old architecture of the theater, his head swiveling around, a gentle smile curled on his lips.
“I always dreamed of playing in the Palau de la Música Catalana,” he muttered and closed his eyes. “The golden light filling every corner, endless rows of red chairs, the glittering chandeliers…”
“You talk as if you have been there,” I said.
“Only in my mind. And in pictures. My grandmother was there once,” he said and caught up to me. “One day, maybe.”
I threw my arm around his shoulders. “For now, old, and charming theaters. I’m sure the mice will enjoy your rendition of “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”.”
He smiled and I led him to the rec room. It was a lounge with long tables for playing board games with a television in one corner and an aging gaming system.
Danny and Jere’s voice drifted to me, their laughter and teasing banter hitting home. I’d told Danny I’d be stopping by the center today and since it had been too long since we’d hung out, I’d suggested we meet up.
He was leaning against a desk, Jere between his legs as they bickered about something, two seconds away from getting frisky. I cleared my throat good-naturedly.
“Sean!” Danny exclaimed, smiling brightly as he spotted me. Those dimples creased his cheeks and with a mop of russet hair and baby-blue eyes, he reminded me of summer sunshine. He had no idea how nice it was to see him smile again.
I rushed to him before he could get off the desk he was lounging on and hugged him tightly. I held onto his solid form, beyond thankful to still have him in my life. There had beena very real moment when I thought I was going to lose him. I banged fists with Jere, who seemed equally as excited to see me.
