I’d only ever lied to Danny twice in my life. Once when my father smashed the jar of lightning bugs. And now, when I’d told him I was going to hit the gym before heading to work.
There was a tension in my chest, making my lungs feel tight as I watched the workers go in and out of the Windy City Maintenance Services building. Three days I’d sat in my car across the street for hours, waiting, hoping—And who would you know came storming out the door? Freddy Burton, nephew of the owner. The one whom, from eavesdropping on conversations, everyone despised and whom, protected by an uncle, had gotten away with too much shit in his life. Well, karma was about to come knocking for this bully.
Danny was doing well, better than I’d expected, and it almost made me rush home and be with him, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the assholes ruined it again. And I couldn’t settle down, something humming through me like electricity, demanding I dosomething. My guts were churning with fire as Freddy jumped into his shitty little car and slammed the door closed. I imagined he’d gotten bad news. Maybe he’d been fired.
It was past six p.m. and I tailed him to the rundown west side of the city where he pulled onto the side of the street. I found a spot on the other side a few cars down. I committed everything about him to memory, the way he walked in strides that ate up the ground as if he were in a hurry to get back to the bottle, and how he kicked the door to the building when he couldn’t get it open quick enough. His mannerisms reminded me of my father, all agitated jitters that ended in violence.
He went inside and I watched the building for a light to come on. On the third floor, soft yellow illumination spilled out through a window. I sat in my car, staring at the light, thinking about all the things I wanted to do to him, knowing this was getting dangerous. I wasn’t sure I could stop and as a shiver of fear pricked my skin, I retrieved my phone to call Danny. He’d know what to do; he’d be able to talk me down. But I’d have to admit I’d lied to him and then he’d know about my dark side. I’d never had a panic attack before, and had only experienced it through Danny, but as breath got stuck in my lungs, I thought I might be on the verge of one.
The apartment light switched off and I stilled with my thumb over his name. I could hear my heartbeat drumming in my ears as I waited. Maybe the asshole had gone to bed. It was wishful thinking, because a moment later, he burst out the front door and started walking down the block with purpose. The darkness pushed at its cage, and I got out of the car, slipping the hood of my jacket over my head. I trailed him for a short while, my long legs eating up the distance between us. I’d become some sort of predator stalking my prey, closing in, the excitement coming to a crescendo. I could nearly taste the blood and I licked my lips as he turned down an alley. It was as if a divine deity did exist and had maneuvered the pieces to arrange this meeting for me.
“Hi,” I said.
He turned on his heels, a deep frown creasing his ugly face. I didn’t give him a chance to respond, just rammed my fist into his mouth. No fancy moves, just two-hundred seventy-five pounds of muscle and pissed-off revenge.
He stumbled back against a garbage can. He said something, spurting blood everywhere, but I didn’t hear it through the darkness breaking its cage. He tried to get up, but I hammered him with a one-two punch to his ribcage, savoring the sound of cracking bones. His breath punched out of him, and he crashed to the ground, gurgling and groaning through his busted mouth.
“W-what the fuuuuck, man?”
He held out a hand and I kicked it aside. Getting a good grip on his shirt, I lifted him off the ground, only to slam my fist into his stupid fucking eyes that stared at me in shock, as if he couldn’t believe karma had come for him. Straddling him, I walloped him in the face, and he spit several teeth on the ground.
“Please, man…” he gurgled. “W-why…”
I wanted to tell him, wanted him to knowwhy, but I couldn’t speak. That darkness had created a void inside me, a ball of dark matter, existing only to destroy everything that got too close. I hit him again. And again. And again. The pain in my hands meant nothing. All I could think about was the list of injuries Danny had suffered at the hands of this bully.
Reeling my arm back, I relished the skull fracture I was about to give him. The worst about Danny’s assault wasn’t the numerous injuries or even the lasting effects he’d struggle with the rest of his life. It was because the assholes had made him believe for a fraction of a second he’d deserved it. For that, I’d murder them.
My phone chimed, the sound of birdsong letting me know it was Danny.
Danny.My best friend, the one person I was capable of loving.
“P-puh,” he rasped, his arms flopping on the ground in an effort to protect himself.
I was going to kill the asshole for hurting Danny. I supposed I always knew I was capable of doing bad things, but I never imagined I would. And if I got caught, I wouldn’t be there to protect Danny and love him in the way he deserved. And because he was the best kind of person, he’d blame himself.
I couldn’t see through the tears in my eyes anymore, everything blurry and unfocused. I wanted to hit him again and not stop until he was hamburger meat on the ground, but I loved Danny too much.
I loved him more than the darkness inside me.
I picked him up the bully by his shirt and slammed in on the ground one last time then stumbled away. The streetlights were on, and the sky was black. A quick survey of the street let me know it was unlikely anyone had witnessed what I’d done. As cool and calmly as I could, I made my way back to my car.
My hands shook the entire drive home, my knuckles split and bleeding, and several times I thought I might pass out. I took my time, terrified to face the consequence. I walked in the door five after eleven to find everyone asleep. I raced upstairs and into the bathroom where I peeled my clothes off and stuck them in a trash bag. I wasn’t very bright, but I wasn’t stupid. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my body raw, ignoring the sting of the soap on my ruined knuckles. No one had seen me, and I hadn’t given the asshole a chance to look at me. Besides, I wasn’t sure he could even see anymore.
I finished in the shower, tied the trash bag, and slipped into Danny’s bed. He made a soft sound as I cuddled him tighter than I ever had, terrified this would be the last time I’d get to hold him.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Danny
Something was buzzing underneath my skin, like a parasite burrowing into my body and a knot had formed in the pit of my stomach. Wincing, I glanced at my phone’s clock, noting it was almost noon. It had been hard for me to fall asleep last night, my mind unable to settle down. My panic attack, combined with Ronnie giving me the truth of that night had upset my delicate balance, and it would take time to come to terms with everything, no matter how hopeful I remained.
To make matters worse, Jere had been quiet and distant all weekend, and had spent most of his time at the gym or staring off into the distance. I figured he didn’t know how to deal with me freaking out on the dirty floor of the club’s bathroom, but I hoped he’d talk to me about it. I’d given him some time to start that conversation, but today would be the day I asked. Sometimes he needed a little push to help him along.
His arm tightened around me, and I found his hand against my stomach. I pushed my fingers between his, savoring his presence. I loved waking up with him spooning me, protecting my back, his claiming touches soothing. He made a soft sound that wasn’t at all pleasant, my fingers skimming over hot, scabby flesh. It took me a moment, my eyes bleary, but his knuckles were absolutely destroyed, purple and crusted over with dried blood.
“Jere! What happened?” I asked, trying to untangle myself from him.
He muttered something and pulled me against him tighter until I couldn’t breathe.
