I offered him an appreciative glance. He was working out again and I’d noticed his muscles had firmed up some. He had the kind of chest that made you want to bury your face between his pecs like they were the most comfortable pillows in the world. I couldn’t think of a better way to suffocate to death. “You could just give me your Jere brand protein shake.”
It took him a moment, but he laughed. “I’ve been saving this load for a week. You don’t know how many times I’ve thrown wood thinking about fucking you.”
“I know,” I said, enjoying the fact we could be so dirty with each other and not think about pesky things like, what if what we’re doing ruined our friendship? “And I plan to make use of it. But first, I want a shower. Help me up the stairs?”
Jere stayed behind me in case I keeled over backward but let me do most of the work. When we were in front of the bathroom, I turned and kissed him three times in quick succession.
“While I shower, will you take care of Biscuit for me?”
He nodded and glanced over my shoulder into the bathroom. The need to help me and let me do it for myself, warred on his face. I liked the idea of bathing together, but I figured we could take a bath later when we’d need it again.
“I’ll use the chair. Promise.”
He laid a smooch on my cheek then reversed direction down the stairs to take care of Biscuit. I took my time in the tub, wanting to be perfect for Jere. I was self-conscious, mostly out of habit and partly because I wished I’d set up an appointment with a wax specialist. I tried not to obsess over my appearance too much but every now and then I wondered if this was the year I should do something stupid like bleach my asshole. I had a feeling he wouldn’t care about how hairy my crack was.
The gentle spray of the nozzle sensitized my skin as I thought about him sliding into me for the first time. As much as I loved anal sex, I had a hard time enjoying it fully with my ex-boyfriends because I couldn’t get completely comfortable with them. I knew without a doubt it wouldn’t be that way with Jere. He was my best friend, after all.
I killed the water and dried off, the rough texture of the towel reminding me of his calloused palms. I didn’t bother dressing because clothes weren’t required for what we were about to do. I found Jere sitting on my bed, staring at the floor. He was achingly beautiful, his big shoulders hunched over, his toes pushing at the polished wood as if he were trying to keep himself busy while he waited for me. When he noticed me, he skimmed his eyes all over my damp body, his gaze like a silken touch that heated me from within.
“Everything went fine,” I said, knowing despite taking enjoyment from seeing me naked, his first thought was my health. “I’ve become an expert at showering in that chair.”
“I want to talk about this again,” he muttered as I sat next to him. “I want to be everything you’ve ever wanted, but to do that I need to know things.”
“What kind of things?” I inquired.
If I didn’t know any better, he was a little bashful. We’d already talked about the basic mechanics of it, but I accepted it might be weird for him seeing as he’d never been with a man before. Important things like protection—which we’d agreed we wouldn’t need due to me being on PREP and my last test coming up negative, while he had always used condoms with his girlfriends—had been hashed out.
He scratched the scruff on his neck. “The only holes I have experience with are vaginas.”
“Jere, don’t tell me you’re nervous,” I said. “You’re so completely adorable I’m going to die.”
He knitted his brows, took my hand, and kissed the knob of my knuckles. His voice was deep and gravelly, not from arousal, but as if something was stuck in his throat. “I just want to satisfy you.”
I never imagined him to be the kind of guy that might feel inadequate in anything he did, but I came to realize this wasn’t just about sex. It made me want to fangirl and fan myself because he was worried about his performance then console him and whisper sweet things in his ear.
“It’s going to be the most amazing thing,” I promised. “Would you like to know why?”
He looked at me with bright eyes, his ears perked in interest. “Why?”
“Because we are best friends and know each other so well, there won’t be any surprises or gnawing, insignificant worries to get in the way. I know more about you than anyone, little silly things that mean nothing except to us, such as the fact you like the little burnt chips on the bottom of the bag.”
A smile ticked in the corner of his mouth. “The burnt scraps are the best. They need to make awholebag of just the rejects.”
“Tell me something only you know about me,” I pressed.
He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth in a rare show of vulnerability and I kissed his shoulder, waiting for him to speak. “When we were kids, and I showed up at your place for the first time after my father went on a rampage, did you know when I crawled into your bed,youwrapped your arm around me as if I belonged there?”
“I did that?”
He nodded, his expression softening, and it was as if we were boys again, in a time when the world was one big confusing, terrifying and hopeful place and all we had was each other. “Everything about that night is as clear now as it was back then. You claimed me as your own, but I don’t think you remember.”
“No… I guess I’d forgotten. I assumed you were the one to start our totally not-normal cuddle sessions.”
“I also know your favorite movie isLegally Blonde, because it goes against every trope known to man and Miss Elle Woods inspired you to be the best you can be.” He laughed softly. “Do you know how many times you made me watch that movie with you?”
“Do you see how this is going to be awesome now?”
He grunted in response and laid his hand on my thigh. When he returned his attention to me, the uncertainty had been replaced with excitement and wicked intent.
