For the better.
Definitely for the better, because this man in front of me is everything.
But there’s always that voice in the back of my head.
“I cancelled on my mom,” Alex says, jarring me back to the present. His eyes are searching mine. “I thought we’d go to the boardwalk, then see a movie?”
It’s summer, and the boardwalk is always crowded on Friday nights, but it’s kind of nice. I’ve gotten used to being in crowds without being on something. It’s like I can just disappear in them.
And with Alex’s arm around me, I never feel awkward or strange like I used to as a teenager. I just feel loved.
I just wish that was enough.
I wish feeling loved was enough to tame my fucking restless soul.
But I just have to get through that one day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute.
Maybe one day I’ll stop thinking about him.
Maybe one day I won’t be in love with a ghost.
“That sounds perfect,” I lie to Alex. “That sounds like an amazing night.”
He kisses me again and I feel my phone buzz in my back pocket. After we’re done losing ourselves in each other on the counter in our gym, I read my text as Alex heads to the bathroom.
Jax:I’M OUT, ZA!
I bite my tongue, holding back my smile as another text comes through from Jax.
Him:I’ve got some good shit. You still down at the coast? I can come over.
I glance over my shoulder, toward the hallway Alex disappeared down. Jax spent two years in prison for possession with intent to distribute, but it seems like he’s ready to get back in the saddle.
I send him a heart, think of all the ways he touched mine. Then I block his number and delete his texts from my phone.
