“How have the past five years been for you?” I ask her.
I want to know everything, all the things I ached to hear about every time I thought about her, every time I saw her at family events, every time Ididn’tsee her at family events.
“Good,” she murmurs, nuzzling her nose against my chest. “Finished my PhD. Started my postdoc.”
“Dated?” Jealousy courses through me. It’s ridiculous, so I tamp it down.
“Some.”
“The musician?”
“Mama and Aunt Tanya talk about that?”
“He hurt you.”
She shakes her head. “No, he didn’t. I didn’t love him. He cheated on me, and that was disrespectful. I didn’t even eat the pint of ice cream I had in my freezer after it was done, or drink the bottle of Burgundy I had in my kitchen. It was…just one day to the next, moving on.”
She sits up and stretches, extending her arms over her head. “How about you?”
“Just…casual.”
“Like Calypso?”
“Yeah.” I watch her, hands tucked behind my head, letting myself soak in the sight of her, like I’ve earned this, though I know I haven’t.
“Nothing serious in five years?”
“I…thought it was because of Olivia, you know. But now I think it was because of you. I thought about you all the time. I regretted letting you go. At the time, I thought it was the right thing to do, considering our ages. I…I was confused about how I felt.”
She walks over to the window and stares out.Outside, the last of the storm blows past.
“And now?”
“Now, I amun-confused. I told your parents and mine?—”
“Without talking to me about it,” she cuts me off, still looking out of the window.
I push up to my feet and walk to her, slowly. I gently press my chest to her back, arms sliding around her waist.
“I wanted to tell them so you’d know that I’m not hiding us.”
“That was taking a chance, thinking there could be anus.”
“I know,” I murmur against her hair. “But I’m done making choices out of fear. I’d rather risk the fall than keep pretending I’m not in love with you.”
She leans into me, just a little. Enough to make my pulse stumble.
“I don’t know what this is. But I don’t want to ruin it by dragging five years of baggage into it every time I see you.”
I turn her to face me. “You’re not ruining anything.”
She looks up at me, wary. “I don’t trust easily anymore. Not even myself. When I feel…I second-guess everything.”
“I’m sorry. I know that I caused a lot of that damage. I thought I was being noble, letting you go. I thought I was being smart to end it before…it ended.”
“Why now? Why should we connect now?”
I kissed her nose. “Fate? Destiny? Christmas? Chamonix?” I tease, eyes glinting.
