Elizabeth groaned. “Are you not supposed to be consoling me?”
“My attempts at tact always fail. Likely you would not believe me if I told you some men would find reddened, swollen eyes appealing.”
A gurgle of laughter escaped her, despite her misery. “I do not understand how you survived in society for so long.”
“Neither do I, to be truthful,” Frederica said without any apparent distress. “Now, what happened with Cerridwen? Quickthorn is worried. Apparently she is refusing to talk to anyone.”
Elizabeth leaned her head back and closed her eyes. It was not what she wanted to hear. “We had words. I do not know how things will ever be the same for us again.” She had to force out the words.
Frederica’s eyes widened. “Oh, no! What happened?”
“It is my own fault,” she said tiredly. “I misunderstood what it meant to be a companion. Somehow I thought it meant Cerridwen loved me and would always do what was best for me, since she had stayed with me when they told her to break the bond. But it is not true. She does what is best for the dragons, as I suppose she ought to.”
“Cerridwen does love you. I am certain of it,” Frederica exclaimed.
“Perhaps in her own way, she does care,” Elizabeth said slowly. The dragon had tried to help Darcy, after all. “But she still insisted we had to take him through the Gate, and he might have survived if he had stayed with his initial plan of going to Prussia.”
“Or he might not have. He was still being hunted, even if he was momentarily safe. Are you going to blame yourself forever for being unlucky in your choices, when you were doing your very best to help him?” Frederica asked. “Do you think Darcy would want you to do that?”
She shook her head wordlessly. Of course Darcy would not want her to blame herself, but that did not mean she was blameless.
“Did Cerridwen know what would happen to him?”
“She says not.”
“Do you know why she insisted on taking him to the Nest?”
“Her far-seeing, as always. If we did not take him to the Nest, terrible things would happen.”
Frederica rubbed her fingers along the edge of the counterpane covering Elizabeth. “Before he met you, Darcy was willing to sacrifice himself to prevent another dragon massacre. If Cerridwen had given him the choice, that his being captured would prevent a disaster, what do you think he would have done?”
Elizabeth did not want to listen to reason. She wanted Darcy. Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I wanted Cerridwen to save him for me.”
“We all wanted that.” Frederica handed her a lace-edged handkerchief. “Even Cerridwen, I daresay.”
“She has to follow her vision. I know.” But she said it grudgingly.
Frederica hesitated. “I always say the wrong thing, so I should probably keep my lips sealed, but I never can manage that, can I? You may not be able to forgive me for this, either. But you would not respect Cerridwen if she had let the dragons die and England go up in flames in order to save Darcy.”
Bile rose in Elizabeth’s mouth. “Do not ask me to like her choice.”
“No, of course not. But…” Frederica took a deep breath before plunging forward. “Someone told me recently that love is a treasure and should not be squandered, and that denying love will starve your soul. And I think that applies to your love for Cerridwen, too, even if you disagree with what she did.”
Elizabeth turned her head to look at her. “That does not sound like you. Did Quickthorn put you up to this?”
“No, she told me to give you a good shake and knock some sense into your head.” Frederica gave a quick smile. “All this talk of love does not sound like me, does it? But it is something I have been thinking about a good deal lately.”
No doubt due to Roderick’s presence. Elizabeth was still puzzled by that, how he had ended up here and bonded to Rowan, but everyone was busily trying to protect her by refusing to tell her the full story.
And she did not have the energy to argue with them, or even to care.
Elizabeth might have been able to hold onto her anger at Cerridwen more than a few hours if only she could have taken a long ramble through the countryside, but how was anyone to bear being confined to bed just at the time when their thoughts were the most painful? Her grief, anger, and helplessness were inescapable.
As was the conclusion that Frederica was right. She had been unfair to Cerridwen. And she should try to do something about it.
Hesitantly Elizabeth reached out with her mind. Would her dragon even be willing to speak to her? There was only one way to find out.Cerridwen?
Silence for a moment, and then,What?
