Chapter Forty-Four
“Will you two shut up about your body parts?” Leanna warned Nikki and Jolie while Denton unloaded the cakes, cookies, cupcakes, and schlongs—yes, they now had a new dessert which was a very thick and long ladyfinger frosted over with a fondant base and a hard-crusted shell shaped by the 3D-printer.
Ladyfingers could be either spongy and soft or dry and crispy. To be fair to the schlong label, Leanna made hers hard and crisp with a center filled with sweet, creamy custard. Her version came threaded with a stick up from the base of the balls to allow easy sucking and licking without getting a customer’s hands dirty. LOL!
“Men should be allowed in the schlong eating contest,” Jolie said. “We have to be inclusive.”
“No one in Axe’s club would want to eat a weenie,” Nikki said. “Give me a break. These are real men here. Bikers, cowboys, ex-military, gun-toting badasses.”
“Leanna gets to make the rules,” Jolie said, opening a light-blue box and drooling. “They’re technically her schlongs, even if you designed them from those 3D images.”
“Stay away from the schlongs,” Nikki said. “I’ll only agree if you let women into the cupcake clit-eating contest.”
“How about the chocolate shit-drop cakes?” Denton asked. “We should require everyone to scoop one of those up.”
“Only for the college grads,” Nikki rolled her eyes. “Especially the PhDs, the Piled High Deeps.”
“Hey, why does the biggest schlong have Leanna’s name on it?” Jolie pointed at a huge, caramel covered one with curly black licorice at the base covering two crinkly balls the size of avocados.
“I didn’t know we reserved some,” Leanna said while Nikki slammed the cardboard lid.
“What?” She widened her usually narrowed eyes. “Don’t I have artistic license?”
Red smoke fumed through Leanna’s nostrils. “Since when have you seen Axe’s package?”
“Did it look like his?” Nikki blinked innocently, while Denton snickered, trying not to laugh.
“Looks like you’re in trouble,” Jolie said. “I’ve got nothing to hide with the pussies. Denton, spread them all out on the bar. Every last one of them.”
Leanna stared Nikki down, but her friend didn’t relent an inch.
“Honestly, you’re so jealous and possessive,” Nikki said. “If you cared so much about the Axe schlong, you should have entered his measurements into the database when I asked.”
“It’s only a baked schlong.” Leanna brushed her hair across her shoulder and huffed. “At least I get to handle the real thing.”
“Too bad you’re only limited to a single one,” Nikki huffed behind her. “I get to pick and sample from the best.”
“I’ve got all I need with my huge broad axe.” Leanna arranged Carol’s bachelorette cake underneath a tartan cloth made to look like a kilt—not that Nick, who had Native American blood, was a Scot, but hey, it fit the theme of what was underneath.
Denton, meanwhile, covered Nick’s bachelor’s cake with a lacy white pair of edible panties, to reveal his surprise once everyone was drunk enough.
“You know, Jolie,” Leanna commented. “It’s really tacky to spread those pussies all over the place before the party even starts.”
“I know, right?” Nikki picked up the big blue box and locked it in the refrigerator. “No one’s going to get a look at my schlongs until it’s time.”
“That’s because they’re so boring and blue,” Jolie said, admiring her pearly pink fingernails. “My pink parts will have all the guys hot and horny so they can start drinking.”
Leanna rubbed her hands and smiled.
No open bar this time.
She had insisted Axe recoup his losses. This time, he would be present to pour the drinks and take the tips.
She took her place behind the bar and looked over the inventory. The expensive top shelf scotch had been replenished from being emptied out at Terri’s baby shower, and the Patron tequila was behind lock and key.
Not that the club belonged to her, or Axe needed her to worry about his finances. But still, he was one hell of a generous guy to open the bar for his friends.
Tonight though, there would be a slew of reporters, social media stars, and even a politician or two along with corporate sponsors. Carol was a champion of disabled sports, a mountain climber, and her software company had recently gone public. She’d come in first in the San Francisco wheelchair marathon which was all uphill from start to finish with a trolley ride back to the starting line. Her biceps were likely bigger than her thighs, but she was a heck of a break-dancer.
