Jade is out of the question. Not only is she not on board this ship, she doesn’t have two brain cells left to rub together—not if she’s pearl diving with Aiden.
As for Joy and Sheri? They’re in an entirely different time and space. Late seventies, as in nineteen-seventies soul train gang. I don’t seriously think they believe Jordan and I are married, but they sure like to tease us.
That leaves my shuffleboard partners.
Eh. The snickering will drive me crazy.
After we return to the ship, I leave Alice and Sylvester at their cabin and wander around the promenade deck, not eager to look for Jordan.
My emotions are a bundle of confusion, and I can’t decide if I’m having fun or not. Is it better to keep Jordan off balance and not give in to our mutual lust, or should I slake my dire thirst and take full advantage of my goddess status?
I bet he’s good in bed.
But I’d lose all respect for myself if I used him because someone was paying him. I need my lover to desire me more than money.
Face it, him acting like I’m the center of his universe because he got paid doesn’t exactly boost my confidence. If I want to be meaningful, there has to be real feeling behind his actions. Otherwise, I might as well be with a sex robot.
Even if we fool everyone on board the ship, we can’t fool ourselves.
I’m deep in thought as I make the circuit of the deck, passing people sitting in lounge chairs and others taking their own evening walks.
“You look lost,” Jordan says, miraculously materializing from a doorway. He walks alongside me. “Did you out-shuffle Sylvester?”
“Not this time. I was too tired to do well.”
“What would you like to do tomorrow?”
“Surprise me.”
“You asked for it.” His voice has a mischievous inflection. “What would you like to do tonight?”
“Get to know you.” I put my hand in his. “You asked me what I want more than anything. I want to know what you want more than anything.”
He’s silent as we walk several more steps. Just when I think he isn’t going to answer, he says, “To belong.”
“To someone or a cause?”
“Just to belong. I guess that implies other people. Certainly, I can belong to myself, and that should be enough.”
“Have you always been an outcast?” I’m surprised I’m so direct. Usually, I beat around the bush. But then, I should have no fear of Jordan. He’s a hired gun, come to please me and make me happy.
Except he makes me nervous, and I want him to like me.
“Pretty much.” He rubs his chin and stops in front of the doorway leading to the elevators. “Want to go to the movies?”
“You really don’t want to talk, do you?” I pull him closer as we step into the elevator. Just as I’m about to kiss him, I stop and pull back. “No, I won’t tempt you further. If I truly want to matter to you, then I can’t let lust cloud your judgment.”
“You already matter to me.” His voice is low and husky as he cradles my face with his large, warm hand.
“I’ll make you a deal. You’ll belong to me as long as I matter to you.”
“That’s easy. You matter to me right at this moment.” He lowers his lips over mine and kisses me tenderly.
“How about forever?” I hazard a teasing challenge.
“Forever happens one moment at a time.”
I sigh into his mouth and wrap my arms around his shoulders.
I can do a moment in time. It’s forever I’m not sure of.
