Chapter 10
Ho, ho, ho.
I should wish myself a Merry Christmas since I’m spending it with me, myself, and I.
There’s no tree in my room, not even a construction paper one. No presents for me, no elf, and no sign that Jordan has been back.
All the pranks I set for him are untouched, and that puts me in a fouler mood than having to spend Christmas alone.
Last night, while Alice, Sylvester, Sven, and everyone were at the Christmas Eve concert, I left their gifts in front of their doors and locked myself inside of my room and treated myself to a threesome with Ben and Jerry.
Doing an entire pint of Karamel Sutra Core all by my lonesome got me through the long, dreary night of waiting for Jordan to trip my prank alarms.
Alas, the ping-pong balls in a net over the doorway remained in place, the toothpaste mixed with gum pain relief was untouched, and no one used the doctored hair gel.
Even his booby-trapped Christmas present sat exactly where I left it on his pillow.
The ship’s horn sounds, signifying we’re near port. Well, I’m not going to sit here and do nothing—not with land so close.
The best revenge is success, and the successful go shopping. Yeah!
While Hilo isn’t exactly Honolulu, I might as well get a head start.
I dress in my sexiest onshore outfit, a pair of immaculate, white jeans, a flowery, skin-tight camisole, large sunglasses, an even larger, wide-brimmed hat, and a pair of elastic, sand-colored ballet flats.
Slinging my purse over my shoulder, I whip open the door at the same time someone pushes it from the outside.
A cascade of white ping-pong balls bounces off my head and shoulders. I raise my hand to block the balls, and my hand slaps the intruder’s nose.
“Ow!” Of course, it’s Jordan.
“Sorry, sorry!” I exclaim over the sound of bouncing ping-pong balls on the wooden floor. “Merry Christmas?”
Jordan rubs his nose which thankfully isn’t bleeding and grins. “You do know ping-pong balls trumps mistletoe?”
“Huh?” My jaw drops, but I can’t help salivating over the chiseled, bright-eyed, puckish, and darkly handsome looks shoved in my face. Jordan’s wearing a tight, black T-shirt, stretchy enough to show his muscle definition, cigarette-legged black jeans, and… hiking boots?
“Ping-pong balls means you have to bounce on the bed for every bounce the balls make.” His eyes and eyebrows bounce up and down in sync with the remaining chattering balls.
“You made that up,” I accuse, and then burst into laughter. This is Jordan, the class clown in action, and usually, everything is “okay” after he makes a joke or two or three. We’re not in third grade anymore, so I clam up my giggles and give him a stern look. “I was on my way out.”
I sidestep him and try to make my way to the corridor, but he follows me and stares down at my feet. “Those shoes won’t cut it for where we’re going.”
“We’re not going anywhere together. Jade wanted you to make me happy, but you are completely incapable of making me happy.” I huff and throw him a non-resting and very active WTF bitch face.
“You were just laughing.” He shakes a piece of paper in front of my face. “Our itinerary requires sturdy hiking boots. I take it you brought some?”
I sigh, long and aggrieved. “What part of alone do you not get? You left me alone two nights in a row. You played hooky all day yesterday while I endured hours of drooling over the Swedish and Singaporean men’s water polo teams and two rousing games at shuffleboard while dressed like a Christmas elf, which I won, by the way. Yippee me! And now, you’re offering to take me on an excursion?”
“Secret lava tubes, very spooky,” Jordan intones in a deep, James Earl Jones voice.
Seriously, I should partner with him on my romance audiobook narrations. But I toss that distracting “aside” aside. As in ass side.
Where do I get these bloopers? I’m not such a bad joker myself, am I?
“Come on, smile for me.” He teases because he senses me ready to bust out in giggles, again. Sure better than getting all horny at his ping-pong-ball rule with the bouncing bed, er, I mean balls, er. Stop!
I clamp my hormones under a tight lid and say through a clenched jaw, “I heard you talking to Jade about getting paid to entertain me. You know how insulting that is?”
